The Long and The Short Of It

Episode 224 - 2023 - Part 2

Transcript:

Jen: Hello, Pete.

Pete: Hey, Jen.

Jen: Well, I'm excited because today is, as promised, Part 2 of our 2023 episode. For those of you who missed last week, I shared what I was thinking of for 2023, and then Pete asked for a week to gather his thoughts. So drumroll, friends, now is the moment that Pete reveals his thinking around 2023. Are you ready, Peter Shepherd?

Pete: So ready. So, so excited and ready. This is The Long and The Short Of It.

Pete: No, I am excited and I am ready. I'm exhaling deeply because I feel like...you know when you run at an athletics track, and you finish a 400-meter circuit where you started?

Jen: [laughing] Yeah.

Pete: I feel like I've ran ten 400-meters. I feel like I've run 4K (four kilometers, which I can convert to roughly 2.something miles) at full pace, and now I'm back where I started. And I'm like, "Huh. Did I do anything? Did I run in a circle? What just happened?" So I feel like this is a long-winded way of saying, I'm ready. I have something. And I feel like I've been running in circles for the last few days.

Jen: Well, if it makes you feel any better, I felt similarly on our last episode, that I was like building up to something that like might be a let-down. But a bunch of people have told me that hearing it was very helpful for their own process. So you might feel like you're running in a circle, but maybe there is something in the actual run that will help other people unlock ideas.

Pete: Right. If nothing else, maybe there's someone else running in a circle that can empathize and like relate to me, so I agree. I mean, that's kind of the point of this podcast. It's worth sharing our thoughts, our ideas, because maybe, just maybe, it'll be helpful. So I guess a quick recap, or a quick summary...and feel free to pepper me with questions of what I've been doing/where I've been at. So prior to us recording the first podcast, I had done what I've done in the last few years, which is a reflection on 2022, based on a few questions. One was just, "What are some of the milestones that happened?" And I just like have a Google Doc, and I just free-typed a bunch of points. "What were some milestones," of which there were many. And then, I did the process of, "What brought me energy? And what drained me?" And for that, as I mentioned in the last episode, I looked at my photo reel, I looked at our win wall, and I looked at some of my gratitude journals. And in the past, basically, I've done that process and then gone, "Okay. How do I do more of the things that bring me energy, and more of the things that drain me?"

Jen: Oh, you mean less of the things that drain you?

Pete: Definitely. Definitely less of the things that drain me, yes. And then, when I get clear on that, usually what happens is like a couple of words might come out to me or just appear to me or feel relevant, and I'll go, "Okay. I'll focus on those two words, and try and do more of the good stuff, less of the bad stuff, less of the drain-y stuff."

Jen: Yeah.

Pete: And that's it. Okay, so that was where I was starting.

Jen: Yep. And I remember that last time we spoke, you said the word "connection" was sort of circling your thoughts.

Pete: Right. Yes. So, consider the word "connection" both the starting pistol and the finishing line. Spoiler alert.

Jen: Yeah.

Pete: But what happened next is we recorded an episode, which I found...I felt like one of our listeners in what you just shared before, in that I found it so helpful to hear you share how you got to your phrase and what that means to you. And then, that led me to asking you if I was allowed to watch the recording of your amazing sounding workshop, which you very generously let me do. And I basically started from scratch again, and I did the entire workshop with you and all the awesome people that were on the call. And it was so helpful. So helpful. I guess the things I liked the most, specifically the five-year projection I found, like we joked about, daunting but so helpful.

Jen: Yeah.

Pete: And then, I think there was a question you asked around like, "Who do you know that might be able to help you get to where you want to go?"

Jen: Yeah.

Pete: And I found those two questions alone, I was like, "Huh. A., I have some level of clarity in where I want to be going, and B., I have people that can help me get there. Like, how empowering is that?"

Jen: So good.

Pete: So, yay for that process. Thank you for that.

Jen: You're welcome.

Pete: And I thought at this point, like, "Maybe this is it. Maybe I'm like reaching the conclusion of my now, what, three or four day process." And then, I got a knock at the door and a package arrived for me, which has been happening a lot lately because Tracey and I have just moved and we've be buying a bunch of stuff for the house. And I opened up the package, and it was a card game by Debbie Millman, who is one of my favorite thinkers/podcasters/humans on the planet. And she created this card game called The Ten-Year Plan For A Remarkable Life.

Jen: How amazing.

Pete: I know, it was ridiculous. And this is based on this ten-year plan idea that she's shared on many different podcasts, that she teaches to her students, and the premise is kind of like you imagine yourself in ten years time and you write in as much detail as possible like a day in the life. So she's created this card game that has, I think, thirty prompts on thirty cards that guide you through this process. So naturally, I was like, "Well, I've done five years. I'm going to do ten years now."

Jen: Yeah.

Pete: And so, down the rabbit hole I went, and did this like ten-year remarkable life exercise, which was...it was exhausting, honestly, and kind of terrifying, kind of like mind-blowingly exciting. And then also just felt, at times, like I was just procrastinating and wasting time. So, I definitely recommend that to everyone. Then, I said to Tracey the next day, we're having breakfast and I'm like, "I'm going to finish this 2023 thing today. That will give me a day or two to get ready, Jen and I are recording and I'll be all ready to go." And she looked at me with like a very loving expression and was like, "Didn't you finish this four days ago? Haven't you spent the last four days doing this?" And I was like, "Yes. Yes, I have been. I am running around an athletics track in circles." And so, that was very funny but also prompted me to action. So I was like, "Okay. I've done Jen's workshop. I've done Debbie Millman's card game. I've done my own process. What do I take from all these amazing exercises, all which were really, really helpful?" And I was starting to wonder if I was hiding in like the activities and the games and the exercises of the whole thing. And so, I just came back to what I have found to be the most helpful questions. "What do I want to do more of this year?" "What do I want to do less of this year?" "Where do I want to be twelve months from now?" And then, "Who's going to help me get there?" So, they were kind of the four questions I ended up on. And as I was reflecting on those four, ironically, two words appeared in my brain, one of which was "connection" and the other one was "decisive".

Jen: Ooh.

Pete: Yeah. So my two words for 2023 are "connection" and "decisive". And basically, I've got a list of things I want to do more of, which are split into categories around health and fitness, learning and development, and one's called (it's sort of a TBC name) sort of like investing, but in the sense of, like we've talked about, investing in relationships, investing in finances, investing in the good stuff, a bit like what you've talked about. So, I've split it into categories for the what I want to do more of. Part of the reason I got back to where I started, I think, was, in doing this all these different reflection exercises, including the projecting forward, I just recognized I had a really freaking good year last year.

Jen: Yeah.

Pete: And I was like, "You know what? Maybe I don't need to invent a new system or come up with an entirely different life-changing game-breaking phrase or word. Maybe I just need to do a yes, and of last year. Maybe I just need to plus one last year."

Jen: Yeah.

Pete: And with a slightly refined focus, which is what the two words are. And with a slightly refined focus of...I have like a not-to-do list, I've called it, which are the things that I recognize drain me and I want to do less of. And then, "Here is like just a little cheat-sheet of things to remember to do more of," and the things to do more of are the same things I know I did last year and the year before.

Jen: Yeah.

Pete: So it's like, when you're onto something that's working for you, don't necessarily spend five days running around in circles trying to justify why you shouldn't do that thing, which I think is what I was doing.

Jen: Well, that's funny. And you could also think of this like presenting a paper, or like if you were putting your year on trial, you would make some sort of opening statement, and then you would back up your statement with all of the evidence, and then come to the same conclusion as when you started. And it kind of feels like that's what your process was like. You named your hypothesis, you went in search of the evidence, and then you proved your hypothesis to be true.

Pete: Oh, I like that. I can always count on you for such a generous interpretation of my thrashing. Thank you. I missed one important detail, which is, as I was projecting, I recognized that this year in particular for me, I want to actually split in two. So my projection, my words, my focus is for the first six months.

Jen: Ooh, I love that.

Pete: And I have put in my calendar for the last week of June, to revisit and consider whether I need anything to change moving forward. Because I have a few big things happening in the middle of the year, which I think will dictate and change a lot for me in the second half of the year. So, I'm recognizing that I need to...like, to try and plan from how I want to show up in August and September now, I don't think is going to set me up for success. So, I'm doing six months.

Jen: I think that's very smart. I love that. I'm noticing that there is a step that you didn't do this year (or else I might have been eliminated from it, which is fine) that you've done in years past. So I just want to say out loud that in years past, you have messaged me and several other people who work closely with you, and asked, "From your vantage point, what should I be doing more of and what should I be doing less of?" Are those questions coming? Or did they already go out, just not to me?

Pete: They definitely didn't go out. You would be the first on that list. I actually thought...this year, I looked at the last three years of answers, when I've asked those questions to the people I've asked them of. I have a copy of all of them, and I looked back at them all. And I recognized, A., there's themes over the years that I think are just as important this year, and B., a couple of the responses, which I think were actually some of the most helpful, were like, "You know what you need to do more of and less of."

Jen: [laughing] I know who wrote that to you.

Pete: Yeah. It's like, "Stop hiding in asking other people."

Jen: Yeah.

Pete: "You already know, just get out of your own way." So I thought, this year, especially because I'm doing six months, I'm like, "You know what? I'm going to experiment with not asking that question." Because I've, again, like I have hidden in perhaps so many different games, workshops, reflection processes this year, I'm like, "You know what? Maybe I don't need to also ask a bunch of people as well," so I'm experimenting with not.

Jen: So, I will hold my answer on that until July.

Pete: Oh, I'm totally open to it, though, if you'd like to send it through. So, is it helpful to try and articulate what I mean by "decisive" and "connection", for me?

Jen: Yeah.

Pete: Well, I guess that, starting with "connection", one of the things in all the reflecting I did, I recognize, was so many of the moments that brought me energy, brought me joy, that I was grateful for, so many of the photos I have are with other people. They're moments of connection, whether it was you and I are hanging out in New York, or Tracey and I going out for dinner, or a friend and I are playing a round of golf. All of these things that I was taking photos of and then ended up grateful for was like a great conversation with so and so, a great walk in the park with so and so. So, that was obvious. But the thing that was less obvious until I really looked at the things that drained me, things that I did not get as much joy out of was honestly isolation and working from home. I think one of the biggest things I recognized is coming out of two years of lockdowns and pandemics and all sorts of working from home craziness, I continued to work from home all of last year.

Jen: Yeah.

Pete: And it didn't serve me in the form of connection at all. My business was great, and everything went fine, and I was able to perform all the functions that I would want, and like and then some. And so like, from the outside in, you might say, "Wow, working from home really works for him." But I knew, and I know, that I just didn't like being so isolated. And I don't think I fully appreciated it until I did this exercise. So, connection is...it serves both the do more ofs, but also do less ofs, which is why it was a big word. And it's not just connection to other people. It's connection to my work, connection to the books I'm reading, connection to the things that I'm consuming, like it's sort of connection in all its forms, if that makes sense.

Jen: Yeah, that's excellent. It serves the dual purpose of being broad enough to be inclusive and narrow enough to be specific.

Pete: Also, in a very fun twist of events, Tracey and I both shared what our words would be, and hers was connection as well.

Jen: Oh, that's so lovely.

Pete: Yeah. So we get to connect together, so that's fun. And then, "decisive" was the other one. And so this came from building on "intentional", and building on things that brought me joy and things that I loved, like deciding that I was going to go to America and spend a bunch of time with some clients over there and spend a bunch of time with you. That was a fairly decisive action that I took, and ended up being amazing. And on the flip side, things that have drained me or not brought me as much joy are things like over-thinking and not deciding, or over-analyzing every single option. I mean, ironically, the last five days of me thrashing on this was kind of me not being decisive. And when I finally was decisive, and said, "Just like do these four questions, and then see what comes of it," that decision led to these two words. So, I recognize I have a tendency...you know, I think with "intentionality", I almost got too caught up in the questions before the action.

Jen: Yeah.

Pete: I was trying to be so intentional. "What is this for? Why do I do this? Who is this for?" Like, all of those questions, which is so important, I think I was hiding in them. And so this time, this year, I'm going to seek to be more decisive.

Jen: It's so interesting, because immediately, it made me think of one of your favorite thought leaders/authors/great thinkers, Annie Duke.

Pete: Oh, Annie.

Jen: And maybe you know this or maybe you don't, Pete, she published a new book in the fall, called Quit: The Power of Knowing When to Walk Away.

Pete: I did not know this.

Jen: Yes. And I know that you love the way she thinks about making decisions, like literally the act of being decisive.

Pete: Right.

Jen: And hearing you say that you had to sort of let go of the things that might have been draining, makes me want to recommend Annie Duke's new book to you.

Pete: Alright, perfect. I love all things Annie Duke, so I will definitely be reading that book in the new year.

Jen: When you land on these words and you find yourself in a moment where you need them, what is the thought process you go through to activate the words?

Pete: I think it's as simple as, "What would it look like to be decisive? And what would it look like to focus on connection?" Like, I think in the moment, if I'm like pulled between five different options or if I'm struggling with a particular project or something, I think asking myself the question related to the word, "What would it look like to be decisive," for me, that's enough. Because, back to the point around not seeking feedback this year, I have this opinion of all of us almost all of the time, which is, I feel like we usually know what we need to do.

Jen: Yeah.

Pete: We usually know what we're capable of, to some degree, we just kind of need to get out of our own way. And so, for me, just having these prompts of, "What would it look like to be decisive," ironically, there's a decisiveness required to even answer that question.

Jen: Yeah.

Pete: So I think that prompts like that are simple, and hopefully going to be effective for me.

Jen: Well, what I love about that is your activation comes in the form of a question. My activation comes in the form of a statement. And in both cases, it helps us to get moving in the direction that feels right or that feels good in that moment.

Pete: Precisely. Precisely. Like you hinted at in the last episode, we take very different approaches at times, and often end up in the exact same place.

Jen: And that is (literally why we created) The Long and The Short Of It.