The Long and The Short Of It

Episode 108 - Mrs. Metcalfe

Transcript:

Pete: Hey, Jen.

Jen: Hey, Pete.

Pete: I was recently reminded of a funny little story that happened when I was in grade two.

Jen: Okay.

Pete: And it's one of those stories that I look back on now, and I just see so many rich learnings from it. And I've been sharing it with a bunch of people, and a bunch of people have agreed that there is a lot of rich learnings from this story. So I thought I could share it with you.

Jen: I can't wait to hear about Pete in grade two. Sweet little innocent Pete. Let's do it. This is The Long and The Short Of It.

Pete: Well, you say sweet and innocent.

Jen: Mm-hmm.

Pete: The truth is I was a real nuisance in class, Jen, in grade two, apparently.

Jen: Oh.

Pete: In that, I was a real talker. I would distract other kids. I would like say, "What's that? Let's talk about this. Let's get on a blackboard, or a whiteboard," or whatever they were using back then. And I would just be a nuisance. I was a pain in the butt, basically.

Jen: Hmm. Interesting.

Pete: And, yeah. And one day, my teacher, Mrs. Metcalfe, pulled me aside and said to me, "Alright, Pete, here's what's happening. I've got a surprise for you. And it comes in the form of a new table." And I was like, "What are you talking about? Why are you telling me about a table?" And she said, "Well, tomorrow when you come into class, there's going to be a new table in the classroom. It's bright blue. And just between you and I, it's magic." I was like, "Oh my god, Mrs. Metcalfe, tell me more. A magic table. What do I need to know?" She said, "Okay, here's the thing. You're not allowed to tell anyone else that it's magic. And I want you to test it out for a week. I want you to be the first person to try this magic blue table." And so obviously, I was like all in. "Tell me, tell me, Mrs. Metcalfe. What do I have to do? Where do I have to sit?" "Okay, it's going to be placed over there. You're going to sit over there. And this table possesses the ability to make any student quiet, not distracted, and able to focus. And I know, you know, you might have been struggling with that a little bit lately." And I was like, "Alright, okay, cool. I promise I'll try it. I won't tell anyone. And we'll see how it goes." And she was like, "Great." So the next day I arrived, and there it was. Sure enough, in the corner of the classroom on its own, away from all of the other tables, was this little blue table. And I sat there for a full week, and I did not say a word. I got all my work done. I was perfectly well behaved to the point where (and I'll include this in the Box O' Goodies) I got a certificate for having a quiet week at the magic blue table, which my mom sent me a photo of, which is what prompted me to remember this story.

Jen: Woah. This is absolutely amazing.

Pete: It's good, right? Because, so the story...to me, the big learning that I've taken from hearing the story or thinking about the story again (and I feel like there's many, which we can get to), I feel like the big one is the way that Mrs. Metcalfe enrolled me in a change.

Jen: Mm-hmm.

Pete: So, Mrs. Metcalfe created a story. And not only did she create a story, but she enrolled me in the story by empowering me to decide, "Am I in?" And she didn't tell me off. She didn't give me like a pros and cons list of what's working and what's not. "And how are you going to be quiet? And what happens if you don't?" And she didn't yell, or scream, or do any of those things, which you might be tempted to when you've got a pain in the ass in your classroom and you want to change their behavior. So if I think about...the goal was changing my behavior. How do you best do that? She didn't tell me what to do. She enrolled me in a story. And I feel like that right there is some changemaking wisdom that we could unpack a little bit.

Jen: Yes, Mrs. Metcalfe. Well done.

Pete: The other thing about, if I'm...I mean, I'm willing to give Mrs. Metcalfe all of the credit for thinking this way. And I can see the pattern now. I'm not sure if this is actually how it went down, because obviously memories get distorted. But I feel like not everyone would have been enrolled in that story.

Jen: Mm-hmm.

Pete: And I feel like Mrs. Metcalfe knew that. And I feel like she knew, "Pete's the kind of person that will get down with magic." And oh boy, was she right.

Jen: Well, this speaks directly to something we talk about all the time on this podcast, in our own work, in the Big Ideas Lab, which is that you have to know exactly who you're talking to, so that you can speak the language that resonates with them. So for you, it was the language of magic. For another kid, it might have been sports, or art, or something else. But our role, if we want to be the Mrs. Metcalfes of the world, is to try to understand what someone else cares about, desires, believes in, wants for themselves, and then figure out how to enroll them in a way that allows them to use their hopes, their dreams, their beliefs.

Pete: Yes. Yes, yes, yes. Could you maybe tell the story...? I've heard you tell the story a bunch of times before about the keynote that you were giving to an organization where you told the story...I don't think I need to say anymore. You know the one I'm talking about, basically, around the idea of stories that empower change, that create change.

Jen: Yes. Well, this is, I mean, this is a great story for two reasons. One is what went into the moment. And two is what came out of it, that I'm still using and we're still talking about all this time later. So the short version of this story is that I was hired to deliver a keynote for what I thought was a marketing association. So I thought I was doing a power of storytelling keynote, for a marketing association. But it turned out it was not marketers, it was manufacturers of HVAC and plumbing. So totally different audience, completely different audience. And I felt very fish out of water. Like, "What the hell am I doing here?" You know, "This is not a fit." But in the moment, I pulled out of my box of tricks the, "Ask yourself, what do they care about? What are their references? What is the language they speak?" And so, I completely ditched my keynote. And on the spot (and I don't recommend this for all you folks who are keynoters out there), but on the spot, I created a framework out of a sports reference, out of a baseball reference. And I used the idea of increasing your RBI (which is your runs batted in, in American baseball). And I'm sure I've talked about the framework at some point on an episode, but I'm not sure if I ever mentioned that that was the origin story. But I think to the point of Mrs. Metcalfe, everything she did was within this framework. So, the "R" stands for realist. And you take a look at what is actually happening, what is real. So for example, "Pete is disrupting the class. Pete can't stop talking. Pete is getting up and running around." So, that's what's real. And then the "I" stands for ideal. So realist, idealist. What would be the ideal circumstance? Well, "Pete would be focused. Pete would be quiet. Pete would be enabling the other kids to do their work without disruption." And so our role, or Mrs. Metcalfe's role, is build the better bridge between those two points, which are called the "B" in the RBI. So it's real, better, ideal. And had I not been delivering a keynote to a bunch of people who I didn't expect would resonate with my Broadway references, I never would have found the sports reference which led to the RBI, which brings us here to unpacking the Mrs. Metcalfe story.

Pete: So good. All those years ahead of her time. I think, yeah. I mean, I'd be curious for your thoughts. But I feel like in that framework, if I think about people giving keynotes or people trying to create change, I feel like a common tension that I have observed is they know the "I", they know the ideal. They're like, "Okay, so I want to create a world where this is the reality. You know, that's my ideal." And the tension, the hard part really comes back to not just acknowledging ideal, but communicating in a way that acknowledges ideal, if that makes sense. So this is to your point earlier, it's the empathy to say, "Pete will resonate with magic. So, I'm going to communicate to him in a way that speaks to magic." She might, Mrs. Metcalfe might have hated magic. She might have absolutely no interest in ever doing anything magical, or talking about anything magical ever again. And yet she recognized in the moment that the way to communicate to the real is to do so in a way of...I guess it's my real, it's not necessarily her real.

Jen: I think that's a really important distinction, Peter. Because if Mrs. Metcalfe had come to you and said, "Here's what's real, Pete. You're disruptive."

Pete: Yeah.

Jen: "You're preventing the other kids from doing their work." You would not have resonated with what she was saying. So instead, the real was, "Right now, there's not a magic table in this room. In an ideal world, not only would we have a magic table, we would have proved that it was magic. So you can help me make that better. I will install the table, and you prove it's real."

Pete: Yeah. Yeah. And that, to me, I've heard...I mean, Seth Godin talks a lot about this idea of enrollment.

Jen: Yep.

Pete: As it relates to creating change. And I just think it's so, so important. Which is (you know, and I've said probably a hundred times on this podcast) that notion that people don't change when you tell them to. They change when they fall in love with a different version of the future. And so in order to fall in love with a different version of the future, I need a story, I need a journey, some magic, whatever, that I can enroll myself into, and feel empowered to have a contribution to that story. As opposed to just being like, "Well, that's because Jen told me to. Oh, it's because Mrs. Metcalfe told me to." So, the way to create really meaningful change is to actually have some agency in that. And a level of agency creates enrollment, I think.

Jen: I think that's so true. And the other thing that you just sort of casually dropped in there was, "I needed a story." And stories are the most powerful tool we have for enrollment. It is hard to enroll people in statistics. It is so much easier to enroll people in stories.

Pete: Right. And this is where, I guess, the learnings of this story get meta. Because the power of a great story is...Mrs. Metcalfe's story that she enrolled me in, the journey of the magic blue table. And the power of the story is I am using that moment, I am using that story twenty-something years later to help others understand change, and enrollment, and stories. So, like, the story that I can now tell moving forward...I've heard you say millions of times that everything has storytelling value.

Jen: Yep.

Pete: And like this little moment that just happened in grade two is now a metaphor, a story for how to create change for others that I still use, rather than, "Here are the statistics on creating change."

Jen: Yes. Okay. On topic, but off topic. Are you still in touch with Mrs. Metcalfe?

Pete: Sadly, she's no longer with us.

Jen: Does she have children?

Pete: She does.

Jen: Don't you think it would be amazing to send them this episode? So that they can see the lasting impact? Because, okay, so here's the other learning. Is that sometimes you are creating change, and because it's happening in the moment, you don't actually see it.

Pete: Mmm. Ooh.

Jen: But here is a change that Mrs. Metcalfe set into motion twenty-something years ago, and is still powerful and full of possibility. How remarkable is that?

Pete: Yeah. Yes. Have you seen this...? I'm going to put it in the Box O' Goodies, because I'm probably going to butcher it. Have you seen the five minute TED talk about the teacher who gives lollipops on open day?

Jen: No, but I'll be watching it tonight.

Pete: I'm going to put it in the Box O' Goodies. It's exactly what you described. This teacher that went around saying, you know, "I see you. Have a lollipop. Welcome to open day." Something like that, I'm sure I'm butchering it. And he introduced this lady who was there for open day to this guy next to her who was there for open day and said, "Oh, you two. You should have a lollipop." And they were perfect strangers to each other. Anyway, she wrote to him many, many, many years later, and said, "You probably don't remember this, but you introduced me to someone through the exchange of a lollipop." (Again, I might be butchering this.) "And that person is now my husband, and we've got two kids." Like, he created this moment that he never knew existed beyond the moment. And yeah, to your point, it can be...any moment could be a moment that you're creating this story for someone else that you just don't know what change might happen down the track.

Jen: Ah, I love that so much. Can I just lay the RBI framework on that?

Pete: Yes, please.

Jen: So, what's real is all of these kids are coming into school. Is that what open day is? Like, first day of school?

Pete: I think it was college. School or college, yeah.

Jen: Okay, so a school experience. All of these youngsters are strangers to each other. They're probably nervous. They're probably uneasy. They're self-conscious. And in an ideal world, they would feel seen. They would feel known. And so what's real is they're strangers. What's ideal is they feel known, and like they belong here. And so, the better bridge is a lollipop.

Pete: Mm-hmm. Yep. And so I guess the other maybe learning, or just thought that I think about a lot as it relates to this story is just the power of a great teacher. Like I was just so lucky that I had Mrs. Metcalfe in that moment, to help me see that. I might have still been the annoying, disruptive kid (I mean, maybe I still am) had it not been for Mrs. Metcalfe. So I feel like there's something in that. There's a line around leadership where, it's often when you don't think people are looking at you that you are leading the most. And I feel like there's something similar in teaching, right? Is, the moment that you think you're just creating a silly story for Pete...and there's no way Mrs. Metcalfe would have predicted that I would now apply an RBI framework to this story to thousands of listeners. Like, the power of a great teacher just creates this moment. And the lollipop story is very similar. And I just, I just think about that a lot.

Jen: Mmm. Well, teaching is leading.

Pete: Yeah. And also it's a choice, I guess. Like that's the other thing, I think. I consider you a teacher, but you're not necessarily at a school teaching kids every day.

Jen: I'm at my own school, teaching professionals.

Pete: Yeah, that's true. I guess the traditional notions of a teacher are you need to go and get a degree in being a teacher, and sit in a classroom all day, every day. And so I guess if I was to summarize everything, really, and do my best to remember all the crazy things we just talked about, one would be: Thank you, Mrs. Metcalfe, for choosing to tell a story that led with empathy, that met me where I was at as a grade two annoying little kid, and that ultimately inspired change which benefited her, benefited me, but benefited the whole, the classroom. And I guess: May we all learn from that, and also tell stories that lead with empathy and inspire change, that benefit the whole.

Jen: And that is The Long and The Short Of It.