The Long and The Short Of It

Episode 119 - 2021

Transcript:

Pete: Hello, Jen.

Jen: Hello, Peter.

Pete: Happy New Year! Happy 2021, my friend.

Jen: Yes, Happy New Year! We made it.

Pete: We did it, everybody. We made it through the year of 2020. And I thought that we should start the year, kick off the year with a little conversation about what you're thinking, what you're planning, how you're strategizing for the next twelve months, because I know that you've been strategizing. So I just want to hear what you're noodling on.

Jen: Oh, you know me. You know me so well. This is The Long and The Short Of It.

Pete: So I think in the past, we've talked about resolutions at some point. We've talked about picking words, and a process for the new year. So maybe we just like clean slate, what does Jen Waldman's process look like? I'm interested in terms of planning for the year, and/or reflecting. We kind of did the aha moments episode. Do you use any of the aha moments moving forward? Just, I don't know, tell me about your process, Jennifer.

Jen: Well, this year I decided (this year meaning last year, 2020) I decided I was going to devote the month of December, my homeroom classes in December to the process of actually identifying a mantra, or a theme, or a word for 2021. So I actually have a process, which I'm happy to share. But then once we landed on shitty first drafts of said mantra, theme, quote, etc., there was an additional process in place for vetting if it was strong enough to be effective. So, happy to share all that if you think it might be helpful.

Pete: I mean, I feel like you've done all the homework and the readings, and I'm scrambling to keep up. Like, "Oh, you've been doing this for a month. Cool cool cool. I'm just trying to keep up."

Jen: Okay, well, I'll share the process. And then, since I had time to marinate, I guess just know that I'm marinated and you were just dunked in the marinade for the first time.

Pete: I've spent the last couple of days starting to think about this. So maybe we'll be able to stress test some of my ideas. But yes, hit me with your marinated idea.

Jen: So first, I just want to say that the reason I have landed on a mantra in the form of a simple action statement is because I've never really been a big fan of New Year's resolutions. They just, they don't like light me up and fire me up. And when I do set resolutions, they kind of fall by the wayside after a couple of weeks, making them not that effective. So a couple years ago, because of you, I started working with a mantra in the form of a short action statement. So two years ago, thanks to you, was "Lift the walls." And this year it was, "Leak the content." So to arrive at the 2021, here's the process I went through. One was to acknowledge the successes of 2020 and really like dig in to what made those successes possible, and what challenges I had to overcome in order to land on those "successes". Because identifying how I, and you, and we overcame challenges in 2020 will likely illuminate a strength or a way that you hadn't needed prior to 2020. So this is where like the growth mindset part of like, "What are my new "how's"? Like, how am I showing up to be the best version of myself?" So that was the first point, is like reflecting on the past.

Pete: Can I ask a question?

Jen: Yes. You literally raised your hand like we're in the classroom. Okay.

Pete: We're in the classroom. Yeah, well, because you did the homework and I'm still catching up. I'm the naughty students. I had to raise my hand. So, what is that, like, what did the reflection look like? Do you look at your calendar? Because we sort of joked about that last week, kind of. How did you actually go back and go, "Oh, that's right. I did all these things."

Jen: It's interesting because I had a lot of people going through this at the same time, and some of them focused on things that were really small and meaningful to them. And for me, it was like focusing on the epic things. Like taking an entire business, blowing it up, and moving it online. Like, the fact that it survived. That was a success. So for me, it felt more epic. But for some other people, they chose things that were really small and meaningful.

Pete: Okay, and epic ones are not things that you forget. I get it. That makes sense. Yeah.

Jen: Yeah. And then in the next session, the question was, "In what areas are you aware that you are standing in your own way, or holding yourself back?"

Pete: Mmm. Mmm. Mmm.

Jen: And that was a painful reflection, but useful.

Pete: That's good. "In what areas are you aware that you're holding yourself back?"

Jen: Mm-hmm. And then we started moving into like taking the downloads from the different prompts and seeing if we could tug on any themes or commonalities. And so for myself, doing this, the words that kept coming up for me were words that are not sexy to me at all, like not even in the slightest. The words were "invest" and "reinvest".

Pete: Ah-hah. Yeah, boring.

Jen: Boring.

Pete: Yawn.

Jen: Right? But it was like the theme was, "I have to reinvest in the things that I care about, in the people that I care about, in the life that I want, in the change that I seek to make. And I have to put my resources, all kinds of resources, where my mouth is, and invest in the change that I want to make." So, those were the themes. And I came out of that session where I was like, "Now come up with a shitty first draft." And I was like, "Oh, gosh. My shitty first draft is reinvest and invest? Oh, I can't get behind that for 2021."

Pete: So what did you like, how did you...did you stick with that?

Jen: No!

Pete: Or have you now Jen Waldman-ed it? Of course not. You've Jen Waldman-ed it. How did you Jen Waldman it?

Jen: Because...okay, so this is a tool that we use as actors, is using language that carbonates you from the inside out. So, I essentially know what it means to invest or reinvest. But when I say those words, like nothing happens to me. So, I had to come up with a way to express that that was meaningful to me and that lit me up enough that I would actually want to design my life around it. So what I landed on is, "Bring it home."

Pete: Ooh. "Bring it home." Can you say a little more?

Jen: Yes. Well, maybe I should move into the three questions because this will help unpack it.

Pete: Yes, please.

Jen: Okay.

Pete: This is the Jen Waldman masterclass right now, keep going.

Jen: Sorry 'bout it.

Pete: No, keep going.

Jen: I've been doing this for the last month. Okay, so once you've landed on a potential shitty first draft, the three questions to ask yourself are...I recently wrote a blog post about this, which I'll pop in the Box O Goodies. "Is it active? Is it broad? And do I care about it?" And I like to add a little shadow word at the end. "Is it active enough? Is it broad enough? Do I care about it enough?"

Pete: I much prefer it with the enough, yeah.

Jen: Okay. So, is it active? Like I said, I want...for me, I like to work with a mantra in the form of a short action statement. Because what an action statement does is allows me to measure my progress, and set my every individual day up for success. So I can ask myself in the morning, "How might I bring it home today?" And at the end of the day, "How did I bring it home today?"

Pete: Nice.

Jen: Is it broad enough? This is where the meaning comes into play. So I love "bring it home", because depending on the circumstance, the "it" changes. So, it's broad enough. You know, there's the irony. It's broad enough that it can be hyper-specific in every circumstance. So "bring it home", like a baseball reference (because you know I enjoy the baseball), would mean to cross home plate. Like actually finish, to bring a project to completion. But "bring it home" also means bring it back to center, bring it back to the "Why", bring it back to purpose, vision, intention. And "bring it home" could also mean bring it into my literal home where I'm sitting right now, and figure out how to make this space that I'm living in a space that can live with all of the things that I want to be able to do here, not just the living.

Pete: So the "home" kind of changes depending on the context, too. I was going to ask, is there a central home? Like, what does the "home" mean? But I like that, to your point, it's contextual based on what you're thinking about.

Jen: Yeah. And I actually think all three words do that.

Pete: Yeah. That's because...you started by saying the "it" can transfer, and I was sitting there going, "No, I think the 'home' can transfer." And then I was like, "Wait, but the 'bring'."

Jen: Yeah, all of it can transfer. It's broad enough that I can figure out how to use it always. And then the crux of the matter, the third question is, "Do I care about it enough?" I don't want to set a mantra just so I can say I have one. I want to actually set myself on a course where I'm pursuing things that are meaningful to me. Like, "Do I care enough to allow this to inform my decision making?" So just as an example, Pete, you and I, right before we started recording, were talking about the fact that I've recently hired a developmental editor for my book.

Pete: Mm-hmm, yes.

Jen: I don't know if I would have been so quick to make this decision if I hadn't landed on "Bring it home."

Pete: Ooh.

Jen: But because that is what is happening in 2021, 2021 will not be another year of, "I'm working on my book." 2021 is a year of, "I'm bringing the book across home plate."

Pete: (Which is a baseball reference, for those playing at home. See that, I'm learning. I'm learning.)

Jen: Okay, so all that...I'm going to serve the ball to you. A different ball, a tennis ball. And now, the ball is in your court.

Pete: That's good. Mixing metaphors, I like it. Let's play some tennis. Okay, so. So my process, like I mentioned, I deliberately use in between the Christmas holiday and the New Year holiday for my process. So in the time of recording this, I'm like up to my neck in my process. And it's been pretty consistent the last few years, it hasn't changed that much other than the result of the process. But the process is first a reflection. So the Aha Moments episode was one example of looking at the highs of 2020. But what I'll do is actually go back and read all my Five Minute Journal gratitude journals. And I look for, basically, I note down themes. Once I'm just reading through, and I note down themes of the things that I was grateful for. And there are always, always themes. So like, I finished doing this yesterday. You know, my partner Tracy came up a lot. Being near the beach came up a lot. Working with Jen Waldman came up a lot. And, you know, going for a long walk when I could came up a lot. So, there are really noticeable themes that have come out of reflecting on what I was grateful for. And the second question in the Five Minute Journal is, at the end of the day, "What were three awesome things that happened today?" So I look at those two, and I just write down, basically, "In the whole year, what were the things that I most noticed as being awesome, and things I was grateful for?" Just to kind of...I guess it's kind of like you reflecting on the big wins that you had. It's kind of my version of that. Is, what were the things that really mattered to me this whole year? And so, I group them into themes. And then, I review my photo reel in my phone. Because my assertion is...I mean, for me, I only take a photo of something when it's like something that I find fun, or interesting, or meaningful. So I look for themes in that, too. It usually directly correlates with my journal. And then, so I've got that sitting aside, what I'll do is I'll usually...there's a couple more things I'll get to, but my idea is, essentially, "Knowing these themes, how do I create more space for these next year?" So knowing that my top, you know, collaboration is with Jen Waldman, "How do I create more space for work with Jen Waldman?" Knowing that I value going for a swim and spending time with Tracy, "How do I make sure I do that every single day and not get swept up in other stuff?" So it's just about kind of a realignment, I guess. So once I've done that, I look to like I mentioned, I've sort of reflected. And then, I'll often send an email to five to ten people. I've sent this to you before.

Jen: Yes, you have.

Pete: Which is kind of trying to get external feedback on the same thing. The email usually goes something along the lines of...or has two questions. "What might I do more of, what might I do less of next year based on what you've seen of us together? Whatever. What you've observed of me, what might I do more of, what might I do less of?" And so, I take all of that data...this is all data collection. And then, I do a process not unlike what you described. I love that your mantra is always so perfectly, just perfectly Jen Waldman. And like, you know, they transfer contexts, and all the words can, you know...it's just so perfect. And I use a framework that we adopted from a friend of ours, Mary Freer. And basically, you pick between one to three words as kind of guiding principles for the year. So in the past, I think two years ago, I had "world-class" and "rumbling". And boy, did I do some rumbling that year. And the next year, so this last year, I had "daring, sharing, and caring" were my three words last year. I have a little sentence in my head, or I know what that means. So I guess that's where I'm maybe a little different to your process. You turn them into a really...I really like that "carbonating from the inside". You turn that into something that like really lights you up. Whereas "daring, sharing and caring" as words don't necessarily light me up, but I know what they mean. And that, to me, has been what's important. I think what might change is, in thinking about the next year, this carbonation from the inside. I'm trying to think about how I might make it something that I read or see on a whiteboard and go, "Oh, yes. That excites me." And so, I'm still kind of in the process of figuring out what those words might be. I have some ideas, but I'll just stop there because I've been talking for a long time.

Jen: I think it is such an important point. I mean, yes, you and I are sharing ours publicly. But typically, you don't have to share publicly your mantra or your word. And it really doesn't matter if other people understand what your internal mantra is, what matters is that you understand it, and you know what it means in terms of informing your decisions, and your choices, and the way you intend to show up.

Pete: Yes, yes, yes. And I think like you, I don't necessarily have resolutions. These are more...I think of them as postures, practices, reminders of how I want to show up. And I think what's really important...I talked about this on a recent interview on The Dreaded Question podcast by our friend, Lili Torre. (Maybe I'll pop a link in the Box O' Goodies.) And we talked about not dismissing a year. I think it's really important. I mean, the temptation with 2020 is to be like, "Oh, let's never think about that year again." Which I feel like is a wasted opportunity. I think of a resolution, or a goal, or a practice that we're talking about as an opportunity to kind of "Yes, and..." the previous year. So, "Yes, I captured all these learnings, and here's what I'm going to do about it." So, that's really what I'm going for.

Jen: What I love about your 2020 words, "daring, caring, sharing," is that they really are measurable. Like you could ask yourself at the end of the day, "How did I dare? How did I share? How did I care?" And be able to answer it in a very, very specific way. Do you want to share your shitty first draft with us?

Pete: For 2021? Yeah, I can share.

Jen: Yeah.

Pete: I have a few words floating around in my head at the moment, which I'm trying to put into something. One of them is "practice". So the recent book by Seth Godin, he talked about...and, you know, we've heard him talk about in many of his other books, this idea of having a really solid practice. That as creatives, really all you have control over is your practice. The output, the thing that comes out the back of it is a result of a practice. And I've just been thinking about how that applies to everything. Like, I could have an exercise practice. I have a mindfulness practice. I have a writing practice. We have a podcasting practice. I have a coaching practice. I have a speaking practice. I've just been seeing it everywhere in the last month or two, since reading the book. And I'm wondering what it would feel like for me to frame everything as a practice. Because for some reason, whatever it is, when I hear that, it feels like it just takes all the pressure out of it. So if I set a goal to practice writing a book, that, to me, is so much less restrictive or pressure-filled than, "Write a book." There's something in that word "practice". So I don't know, that's definitely one of the front runners. Another word that I've been tossing around (I think I mentioned a few times on the podcast) is "calm". And I had a conversation with a really brilliant friend of mine who actually said, "Oh, I like the word 'calm'. And have you thought about the word 'ease'?" And I was like, "Ooh, I like the word 'ease'. I need to think more about that." And then there's a couple of other words, but I don't even think that they...kind of like your "invest". They're like just not that exciting to even think about. That's sort of what's floating around at the moment. What do you hear? Can you Jen Waldman my thinking in the moment?

Jen: I mean, "Practice ease" is a sentence.

Pete: Mmm. It is.

Jen: So that's what I immediately react to, is like you might have just actually said what your thing is. The thing that...

Pete: Alright, alright.

Jen: I agree with your friend, the thing I like about ease over calm is that calm...well, I mean, I guess this would be for you to say. Calm has a connotation of a feeling, where ease can be a feeling and other things. Like, the way a system is set up. So.

Pete: Mmm. Yeah. It's transferable. Yeah, I like it. You just Jen Waldman-ified my two words.

Jen: Well, I feel like we have done a very deep dive into a pre-reflection on 2021.

Pete: Pretty thorough. Yeah, very thorough. I appreciate your process. Your practice, if you like. And I'm probably going to have a hard time not using "practice ease" now, based on all of your wisdom.

Jen: "Practice ease" is a great friggin mantra, Shepherd.

Pete: Mm-hmm. And I guess...I mean, the other thing that sticks out to me is just, or that I think is worth saying out loud, is that our practices and our processes for getting to the place that we got to were both are different. But I do think that it is worth doing a reflection on the things that you learned in 2020. And based on those learnings, figuring out how you want to show up in 2021. That's really what we're talking about. What did I learn? How does that change how I want to show up?

Jen: And that is The Long and The Short Of It.