The Long and The Short Of It

Episode 163 - So Much To Do

Transcript:

Jen: Hello, Peter.

Pete: Hello, Jen.

Jen: I have so much to do.

Pete: Ahh.

Jen: Oh my gosh, I feel like I am a clown at the circus and I'm juggling, and someone just keeps throwing yet another ball and another ball and another ball. And I'm like, "How long can I keep this up?" So I wanted to talk to you today about what to do when you have so much to do.

Pete: This is The Long and The Short Of It.

Pete: I sensed when you hopped on Zoom before that you had a few balls in the air, Jennifer, so I'm glad we can unpack this.

Jen: Did I have a little crazy in my eyes?

Pete: Just a little. There was a little like, you know, little wink.

Jen: Yeah, um, let's just say the stress level is high right now because...it's all good stuff. Like, it is all great stuff. We're opening the new studio, the contractors are finishing, the furniture is moving in, we just moments ago launched our brand new website, we're rebuilding our back end infrastructure, there's registering for classes. Anyway, I could go on and on and on and on and on. There's so much to do and my stress level is high. However (I feel like this is the big but), I am a million percent confident it's all going to get done.

Pete: Hmm. Okay, this is interesting. Is it a different kind of stress than the stress of...I mean, recently, we did an episode called FOTU (fear of the unknown).

Jen: Yeah, now it's known.

Pete: Right. But there's like, I wonder if there's a distinction there between fear of the unknown being something that can hold us back, that we get worried about, that we stop doing things because of we're scared of the unknown, versus like...I don't know how to frame this. Is it anxiety of the known, or like stress of the known? Like, it's different, because you're confident, you're clear, you, I don't know, you have certainty to some degree, it's going to get to the finish line. Am I making sense?

Jen: Yeah. I mean, the thing that I'm stressed about is the level of excellence everything is going to reach. I know that all the furniture is coming into the studio, and I know that the classes are filling up and we will process all of the registrants, and I know that the studio will be cleaned in time for people to arrive there, and the stuff will be there. I think the stress is around, you know, doing it in a way that feels amazing and excellent. But the big thing is that...the reason I wanted to talk to you about this is, I do think this is a strength of mine which I might be able to pass on to some listeners. That, this particular strength is born out of my tendency, my Gretchen Rubin's Four Tendencies framework. I am a Questioner. I don't feel a lot of obligation, like one of her tendencies is Obliger. So if something is on my to-do list and it shouldn't be there, I don't feel obligated to do it. I just cross it off.

Pete: My god.

Jen: And I'm like, "That's not important. Bye."

Pete: How dare you.

Jen: And it has been very...I can't say it's easy, but it simplifies the process in a moment like this, of, "What do I do when there is so much to do?" What I do are the things that actually need to get done. And the rest of it, I don't do it.

Pete: This is amazing. How do you determine that? Like, do you ask yourself a particular question? Is there like a thought process you go through, or a whiteboarding activity? What do you do? I'm asking for a friend (i.e. I'm asking for me).

Jen: And I'm not always great at it, because sometimes I miscalculate. Eek. The big question is, "What are the consequences if this doesn't get done?"

Pete: Ooh.

Jen: And a lot of times, if an item on the to-do list is really low impact, then doing it doesn't do much and not doing it doesn't do much. So I kind of rest on that principle, where it's like, "Okay, I was going to go buy matches for my candles because I'm out of matches." It's like, "Okay, that's pretty low impact. What are the consequences? I'm not going to have candles for another couple weeks. I'm fine with that." But like, "Meet the piano delivery person at the studio. The consequences of that are kind of major for me, so I will be there early, just in case they get there early."

Pete: What are the consequences if this doesn't get done? That's such a good question.

Jen: And the consequence is not just for me, but for other people who would be impacted by this decision, and that's where I sometimes can miscalculate. I'll be like, "Well, there's no consequences for me." And then someone's like, "Hey, Jen, I'm waiting on this thing from you." I'm like, "Oops, so sorry. So sorry." So sometimes I misfire, but in a moment like this where everything that I am doing is very high impact, it's nice to have that little mantra in my mind. Instead of, "I'm feeling so guilty that I'm not getting to the to-do list." It's like, "Not getting to the to-do list because the low impact things are not going to have much of an impact."

Pete: Do you think there's also...this feels like such an obvious question, I'm just going to ask anyway. Do you feel excited at the same time?

Jen: Oh my gosh, I'm over the moon. Can you not tell? I'm like so hyper right now.

Pete: Isn't there some science (you would know this more than me), is there some science backing up the idea that stress and excitement have the same physiological characteristics? Is that right? Like elevated heart rate, sweaty palms, that kind of thing?

Jen: Yes. Usually, they compare...who is they? Good question. Usually, they compare nervous and excited.

Pete: Ah-hah.

Jen: And I am both of those things.

Pete: Hmm. I don't know where I was going with that, other than I wonder if there's...I feel like I do this or I've heard people talk about like reframing fear as excitement, or reframing nervousness as anticipatory excitement. Like we're geared up, just like you right now, to do the thing, to execute, to open. Like, so there's this busyness, there's this juggling these balls, spinning plates that is occurring, but like you said, it's all good. So maybe it's good because there's this underlying level of excitement, versus, I don't know, maybe in FOTU, fear of the uncertainty or fear of an event that actually might not be that exciting, there's this underlying like doom (doom is a very strong term), or this like dark cloud of like, "Oh, I'm nervous about it because it's not that exciting to me. It's like scary. It's hard. It's a global pandemic." You know? Hard to get excited about that.

Jen: You know what's so interesting about that, is I think the same principles of weighing the priorities and the level of impact of the things on your to-do list are true when the things you have to do are because of something disastrous or just tragic. Like you recall, earlier this year, one of my best friends passed away. And when that happened, I went into overdrive. And I had, all of a sudden, a very long to-do list of all of these people who needed to hear this information directly for me. How was I going to get back to New York City? How was I going to get other people to New York City? How are they going to get to the funeral? All of these things, and I just cut anything from my to-do list that wasn't specifically about that. Because the impact of, for example, reading about a friend's death on social media rather than hearing about it personally from someone else who loved that person, the impact is so great that it was easy for me to say, "I'm clearing everything, and the only thing I'm doing is making these phone calls because that is of the highest impact right now."

Pete: Such a good example. I mean, that question, what are the consequences if this doesn't get done? Just, again, in that example, is such a powerful question. I wrote down what I thought was a different question, but I realized it's the same question just framed differently, which I'm realizing now. Which was, what's the cost of inaction? Same thing.

Jen: Mm-hmm.

Pete: What is the cost of me not doing this thing, not taking action? If the cost is like, "I won't have candles," in that example you mentioned earlier, it's such an easy one to go, "Of course I don't need that on my to-do list. That is so obvious." I think it's really helpful, because actually, at the time we're recording this, it was this week, I wrote a blog post...on a Wednesday, I write basically just a question to consider. And the question was, "What if the answer is less tasks? Because more isn't always better," was the subtext. And I think this is like, you're giving me the question under the question, or the tactical question to implement that. Because I actually got a few emails from people subscribed to my blog saying, "Yeah, yeah, but how do I actually do it? Like, I get less tasks, but how? But how?" I feel like you're giving us the how.

Jen: Well, I think it's really interesting to dig into this from your perspective, because in the Gretchen Rubin framework, you are an Upholder. So not only do you experience the obligation to other people's expectations of you, like if someone else puts something on your to-do list, that then becomes part of your to-do list, but you also feel obligated to things you put on your to-do list. So if it shows up on a list, it feels like the box has got to be checked. Now, I don't mean to put words in your mouth. But that's like the gist of the Upholder tendency, is, if it exists on a list, it's going to get done.

Pete: Yeah, that's such a good point. Because I think this is why...you know, often I write blogs that are basically messages to myself. And I think this is why I was reminding myself to put less on the list. It's actually, I need the question before it goes on my list. Because once it's on my list, it's hard for me to not do it, or ignore it. So, that's such a good point. Whereas you were saying, it's already on your list but you can just ignore it, or just go, "Yeah, I'll cross it off, even though...," I can't, like the thought of crossing something off when I haven't done it, I'm like, "It's not legal. That's not legal. You can't do that. It's against my constitution."

Jen: I have some clients and friends who are Upholders, and one of the things that we do is add an item to the to-do list called, "Eliminate half of the to-do list." Which helps. Just mentally, it helps to say like, "Today's the day that I delete, you know, 50% of the stuff on here." Or if a random number like that is upsetting, you could say, "Eliminate all low impact items from the to-do list."

Pete: Love that. Yeah. Which actually, now that you say that, at the start of 2021, we did an episode where we talked about resolutions or words or goals or strategies for the year, and I had "Practice ease," two separate words that actually work together. And I think part of the point of having "ease" on there was some version of, "Stop doing all of these things out of obligation. Stop making to-do lists that are as long as your arm." (And my arms are pretty long, because I'm six foot seven.) Like, "Stop creating all this busy work. And instead, try and practice ease." Which to me is like, "Can you focus on the things that are most important? Can you get clear...," oh, that question is so good. "What are the consequences if this doesn't get done?" And then, choose not to do them, not to even put them on your list in the first place, and create that space. So it's like, that's been the theme of my year, I'm realizing.

Jen: "Ease" is such a great word. It just feels like a breath.

Pete: Yeah.

Jen: You almost feel the air coming in and giving you more space to exist. I love that word.

Pete: Me too. I actually have a friend of ours, Ainsley (who is a listener and a friend of mine), to thank for that word. She mentioned it like in passing one day last year, and I was like, "Oh, damn. That is a good word."

Jen: Mm-hmm. Yes. I love that. Okay, Pete.

Pete: How are you feeling?

Jen: Well, I actually feel really good.

Pete: Great.

Jen: I've been waiting for nearly twenty months for this moment, where I get to not only start seeing my clients in-person again, but implementing the changes that we said we wanted to make within the culture of the studio. So, I feel really excited and very optimistic about the future. And like I said to you before we hit the record button, I have so much to do. But one week from today, one week from the date of this recording, all of it will be done.

Pete: Hmm. Yeah, you're in the homestretch.

Jen: Yeah, completely.

Pete: And then next Tuesday, when all is done and you've moved in, you can go and buy some matches. Okay, so I'm taking away from this...let me just say this out loud for about the third time today. The thing I'm taking away from this is this question that is so powerful, I think, which is, in looking at my to-do list or the things that I'd like to do in a week or in a day, or any given project, the question I want to ask myself, and encourage listeners to ask, "In order to reduce the list down to the necessary, what are the consequences if this doesn't get done?" That's a good question. Thank you for that.

Jen: Yep. That's what to do when you have so much to do.

Pete: And that is The Long and The Short Of It.