The Long and The Short Of It

Episode 171 - 2022

Transcript:

Pete: Hello, Jen.

Jen: Hello, and Happy New Year, Peter.

Pete: Happy New Year to you. Happy New Year to our listeners. It's 2022.

Jen: Woo!

Pete: And I thought we could start the year as we have in previous years, by sharing our processes for reflecting on last year and looking forward to 2022. I have it on good authority that you ran an incredible workshop about this very topic just recently, so I just want to share with one another and share with our listeners how we're thinking about approaching values, resolutions, reflections, whatever you want to call it.

Jen: I love it. Let's do it. 2022, here we come. This is The Long and The Short Of It.

Jen: Peter...

Pete: Yeah?

Jen: ...you sound so distant, so far away from me. What's happening?

Pete: I mean, geographically, I still am. And I am an extra two hours from my usual residence and forgot my podcasting mic.

Jen: Whoopsies.

Pete: So what you're hearing, listeners and Jennifer, is Pete recording a podcast from his Air Pods. And so, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry for the average sound quality on this end. Ugh.

Jen: Been there, done that, myself. So, it's all good.

Pete: I think this is my first time. Because you've definitely done it a couple of times, and now I'm, you know...I'm just starting the year strong. Here we are, with no podcast mic.

Jen: That's alright, that's alright. Okay. So, let's dig on in. You're right, it is the beginning of the year, and you and I both have a process that we go through (each of ours different from the other) to reflect on the year past and prepare and project for the year ahead. So as you mentioned, I recently ran a workshop on this, so it's possible maybe I'm a little bit farther along at this point because I've had lots of practice in recent weeks. But, who knows? How are you feeling about your own reflection and projection?

Pete: I think that would be a fair assumption, that you're a little bit ahead of me. I feel like I'm comfortable with my reflection on 2021, and I'm in the like, the very, very draft stages of the projection forward of what that means for 2022. So, I feel like I'm right in the middle of the process. One of the realizations (which we can get to) in doing the reflection, is: I don't know if there's anything dramatic that's going to be uncovered in the projection. It feels like it's going to be a continuation of certain themes. So it's probably not even fair to say I'm halfway...I'm probably more like 60%, 70% of the way through my little process that I like to do at the end of the year.

Jen: I love your process. Why don't we start with you?

Pete: Okay.

Jen: Talk us through what you do.

Pete: Okay. Okay, okay. I can talk you through. So my process is split into, as I just indicated, kind of reflection and then projection. Reflection being 2021. And this actually is something I always have to remind myself to do for the purposes of like kind of celebrating, or just patting yourself on the back, or recognizing the good stuff from the year. I think it's easy to go, "What worked well? Okay, awesome. What am I going to do next year," or just, "What am I going to do next year, based on what went terribly," and not pause to just be like, "Oh, wow, you did a lot last year." So, the reflection process I'm trying to take pretty...not seriously, but I'm trying to spend a good amount of time thinking about what that looks like for me. I read. I skim through all my five-minute journals which I fill out each morning, and just look at, "What were the things I was grateful for over the year?" And I just kind of capture ones that come up a lot, ones that really speak to me, just on a like draft piece of paper, I just scribble this down. And then, I look at my photo reel and I do the same thing in my camera. Which, my assertion is I usually only take photos of things that have captured my attention and brought me joy, made me feel something. And so, I look through my camera reel and I do the same thing, "What stands out as positive experiences?" And then, sometimes...I haven't done it this year. But sometimes I'll skim through my Google Calendar as well. So those are kind of three data points to capture the good stuff: what I was grateful for, things I took photos of, and things that were in my calendar. And then...I don't necessarily have a place that I capture this, which has been an interesting realization. But I try and do some version of a similar thing for perhaps the negative stuff. So, "What were the things that felt really hard, or brought me negative emotions and negative experiences," and just capture those. And the idea is, based on the two groups is: I want to do more of the things that were awesome and brought me joy, and less of the things that brought me pain and discomfort. So once I've got my lists, I look for themes...which is what I've done. There are always themes. The big realization, or one of the realizations this year is, "Oh. My themes are basically exactly the same as they were last year, which were very similar to what they were the year before." So for example, themes like "meaningful connection." Which is, you know...the amount of times that pops up in my gratitude journal. "Had a great conversation with Jen," or "Had an amazing dinner with Tracy," or, "I caught up with a friend and we went for a swim." Like all of these instances speak, to me, to meaningful connection. So, that's a really common theme. Or a "calm environment." So whether that's my house, or my study, or like being in nature...often environment and being outdoors comes up, so that's another theme. So, I've grouped them into five themes. And then, from there (like I said, the bit I haven't quite got to) is projecting forward, how to prioritize each of these themes. I'm just going to pause there. Am I making sense? Does this sound like my process that you remember?

Jen: Yes. And the part that I love so much is the camera reel.

Pete: Ah.

Jen: It's just not something I would have ever really thought of myself. And I'm actually going to sit down with my daughter and go through all of our photos of this year, to kind of reflect and enjoy. Because like you said, you take photos of the things that you wish to remember.

Pete: And the wild thing this year has been, there's some photos where I was like, "Wait. That was this year?"

Jen: I know.

Pete: Like, oh my god.

Jen: The decade that was 2021.

Pete: Like, "Wasn't that four years ago?" So the process of even just looking at the photos brings me joy, then there's the capturing of it by writing it down. And then, there's the like, "Okay, I want to prioritize more of those things in the next year." That whole process I find really enjoyable. So yeah, I would encourage listeners: grab your phone, look at your photos.

Jen: One thing that you didn't mention that you have mentioned in years past (and maybe it's because you haven't done it yet), is you will send out a message to some people who have been close to you that year and ask like, "What would you like to see me do more of? And what would you like to see me do less of?"

Pete: Yes. Oh my gosh, you just reminded me. That's the bit of the process I haven't done yet. So, I do plan on doing that this year.

Jen: I was wondering if maybe I got dropped off the list or something.

Pete: No, no, no. You have an email coming. It's coming. It's in drafts. So, yeah. So that is a build on...I've used my data points to capture what experiences are positive, what experiences were negative. And then, I like to ask my Square Squad...as Brene Brown calls it, which is like five to six people whose opinion I value most: Jen Waldman, Tracey, some members of my family, and a few close friends...and I just get them to add any input that comes to their mind. Sometimes it unearths a gem. I remember one year, this was like five or six years ago, my sister said...she gave me this really quite honest and brutal feedback. Well, not brutal, but honest feedback that she felt like she'd lost contact with me and didn't really know what I was up to. And so that instigated this process where I would send her like a weekly email, which actually turned into my blog. That was the genesis for my blog, was because of the feedback I got from my sister.

Jen: Woah.

Pete: So, I don't know if I've ever shared that.

Jen: No, I didn't know that.

Pete: Yeah. Yeah. So yes, I plan on doing that still.

Jen: Wow, it sounds like you're in really good shape. And I feel like I need to clarify, that earlier when I said I'm maybe a little farther along than you, I was specifically referencing our shared desire to be able to concisely say in like two or three words, the thing we're focusing on in the coming year. Not like, "I'm so much farther than you are, Peter."

Pete: No, no, no. I knew what-

Jen: I meant in landing on those three words.

Pete: I totally get that. And that's the bit I haven't got to. So for listeners who don't know, once I've done all this, and I've grouped into themes, and I've like tried to put things in the calendar that are going to bring me joy, and things that I'm going to try and do less of, got my feedback, I sit with that, I process that, I put it somewhere. And then, as Jen's indicating, what I've done in the past...which I borrowed from Mary Freer, a friend of mine, who is an incredible, incredible human. And she has this idea of picking two words to kind of just center yourself in and ground yourself in for the year. Because it can be really hard to remember everything that I've pulled together into this one-pager. I try and make it a one-pager, but it's still...there's quite a bit on there. So off the back of that, I try and think of, "What are two words to ground myself in?" So last year, we had, "Practice Ease." The year before, I think it was, "Daring, Sharing, and Caring." The year before that, I think it was, "World-Class." So, these are like really easy to remember words. Which, it sounds like you've gone to that process again as well. So, tell me about Jen Waldman's process this year.

Jen: Alright. Well, my process also has reflect and project. But I have a third step that I call "activate."

Pete: Ooh.

Jen: Because what I'm looking for is a very concise like three-word action statement that can guide me in the coming year, that is not circumstance-specific but is values-driven. So like, the first one I did when you and I were working together, my three word statement for the year was, "Lift the walls."

Pete: Oh, yeah.

Jen: Yeah. And then the next year, it was, "Leak the content."

Pete: That's right.

Jen: And then this year, it was, "Bring it home."

Pete: That's right.

Jen: This year, meaning last year. 2021 was, "Bring it home."

Pete: I'm getting flashbacks to all these moments.

Jen: Right?

Pete: Hmm.

Jen: So I don't know that it's possible to be completely prescriptive, because people have got to figure out their own reflection process. Like, you've figured out your own thing. I figured out my own thing. But I'm happy to share that I use questions as my reflection. I'm a Questioner. I love questions. So I'll ask myself, "What went well? What went less well?" And then, I name my most meaningful challenge, my most meaningful shift, and my most meaningful gain in the last year. And then, my two favorite reflection questions, "What was my biggest aha moment? And what is my new burning question?"

Pete: Mmm.

Jen: So, I go through that. And the thing that I found particularly helpful this year was the question about, "What was my most meaningful challenge? Most meaningful shift? Most meaningful gain?" And the reason those were really helpful to me was because this year threw a lot of challenges my way, and I had to ask myself some follow-up questions because it's not...like, I'm not responsible for some of the challenges that were thrown at me. But what I am responsible for was how I showed up in them. And as I was reflecting on some of the harder things of 2021, I found myself being pretty proud of the way I showed up in the challenges. So even though they were really hard, and I would never, ever, ever want to relive them, when I asked myself how I participated in some of the low points, I did find values that I would want to carry forward into the new year. So, that was particularly helpful for me this year. And then, I project into the future. But you know me, Pete, I like to go way out first and then come on back.

Pete: How far into the future?

Jen: So I first ask myself, "What do I want to accomplish in 2027?" So, five years from now.

Pete: Of course you do.

Jen: So I ask myself, "What do I want to accomplish in 2027?" And then, "What does that mean for my priorities in 2022?"

Pete: Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmmm.

Jen: To make sure that I'm doing things that have impact on my future, in the way that I really would find meaningful.

Pete: Yeah.

Jen: And then, I name some goals that I'm thinking about setting for the year. I don't commit to all of my goals at once, but goals that I'm thinking about setting. And then, I start asking myself what that means about what knowledge or skills might I need to acquire to achieve those possible goals, and who might be able to help me achieve them. So, those are my projection questions. And then, I get to activate, which is when I tried to make sense of all of this data. So I look at everything that I've reflected on and that I've projected about, and ask myself, "What does this say about my values?" And then, I start trying to play around with words, and describe what I think I'm trying to say, trying to find a more concentrated way to say it. So, I do this in Otter. (I think I've mentioned Otter so many times on this podcast that they should be a sponsor.) Otter is a real-time transcription app. So I'll get up and I'll walk around and speak to myself, but my words will be transcribed so I can look at them later. And then, this year, Pete, I added a new step-

Pete: Alright.

Jen: -based on a book I have just read, called The Extended Mind. And as an acting teacher, I do this all the time in my classes, but I hadn't really thought about doing it in non-acting related spaces. I created some physicalization exercises to act out what I was trying to say, so that I didn't have to try to cerebrally contain it all but I could like get it out there in the world.

Pete: Huh.

Jen: So, I tried to get kind of artsy about it. So...I'm just laughing because I must have looked like such a strange person to anyone who might have seen this. So the first thing is to, in your mind's eye, try to visualize the thing that you're trying to say as like an abstract form or like a visual metaphor, then to put it in your body and create some gesture vocabulary that sums up what I'm trying to do in the coming year. And then, I make sounds. As an example, last year, my three-word action statement was, "Bring it home." And that sounded like, "Hmm," like a yummy, calm, nurturing little hum.

Pete: Huh.

Jen: But this year's action statement sounded more like, "Huh." "Hmm. Ah."

Pete: Wait, and are you in a position to put words to said sound for 2022?

Jen: Well, yes. Yes. I will drum-roll it. As I was physically flailing, trying to explain all the ways I was trying to wrap my head around this, "Connect the dots" kept coming up. But it's not, "Connect the dots." Because when I connect the dots, I know where the dots are. So it was like kind of like, "Connect the dots." And then, the other thing that came up for me was, "Catch the ball." Like, catch what people are throwing me. But it's not really, "Catch the ball," that didn't work out. So after the workshop, Priya, our mutual friend, messaged me. And she was like, "I think I know your action statement. It's, 'Catch the dots.'"

Pete: Oh.

Jen: And I was like, "Yes. That is it. 'Catch the dots.'" So that is my action statement for 2022, "Catch the dots." I get to stay in the home that I built during 2021, "Bring it home." But when someone unexpectedly, serendipitously, surprisingly tosses me something, I will catch it and then connect it.

Pete: I love it. I love it. I love it. It's very Jen Waldman. I wonder...to close out, a couple of questions I would noodle on or have you consider (and myself). I wonder if this was true for you, because one of the biggest things I've realized in doing this process is I have a tendency to want to find or look for the like radical change, or the, "Where's the big aha or the big blind spot that I'm clearly missing? And I need to reinvent my entire process or I need to change the way that I'm showing up, because how could I possibly have missed this blind spot?" And the biggest realization I've had this year is that that's a tendency that I have, and not necessarily a good one. And that actually, the way that I've navigated a process in the past, i.e. this process of reflection and projection, and how that's helped me show up has been, honestly, really quite sound. And so rather than trying to reinvent the wheel or create this brand new process or have to do something completely different, what I'm sitting with is following the same process which is, like I mentioned earlier, producing pretty similar outputs in terms of themes, and being okay with little 1% tweaks-

Jen: Yep.

Pete: - of, "Yeah, you could put some more time in the calendar for that meaningful connection. But that's probably it on that particular theme. You don't need to change who you're interacting with, because they're already the people that are giving you meaningful connection." So, I don't know, what I'm learning is I guess each year as it goes on is less radical changes and more small 1% improvements. Does that resonate with you?

Jen: Completely. I mean, when something is working, when you've built a solid foundation, you don't need to rip the whole thing down. And as you are learning new things, and growing, and evolving, you can add them. You can change the decorations in the house without having to rip down the whole house.

Pete: Oh, I like that. I like that.

Jen: Like I was just saying, I recently read this book which changed one little part of the process but in a really meaningful way, but it doesn't discount all of the other work that I've done to build a really strong process for reflection and projection.

Pete: Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm. I love it. Okay, so what do we make of all this, catching the dots?

Jen: Wait, wait, wait. You are not going to get to get away without giving us at least a shitty first draft of your two words.

Pete: I almost did. I almost did. So, okay. My shitty first draft, at the moment...I think one word that's definitely going to feature is "intentional," or "intentionality," or "intentionally," some version of "intentional." The second word I'm tossing around at the moment is...so the statement or the two words together would be "intentionally audacious," or "intentionally bold." So I think "intentional" will stay, and there's a word I'm trying to play around with that is about being more bold, being more audacious. I don't know yet exactly what that is. But there's definitely a desire to continue to be intentional in the connections that I make, in the work that I do, in the time I spend outdoors, in the swimming that I do each morning. Doing that with intention, not just reactionary or because, is really important to me. And I'm recognizing, so many of the things that I've done well have been because I do them intentionally. So, there's this...some version of intentional is definitely going to play a part. And then the second one, I'm still playing around with. Which is...it's kind of, I'm looking for a way to remind myself to think beyond the obvious. Because it's easy for me to go, "Oh. I've, you know, coached leaders the same way for the last four years, I'll just coach the same way." Or, "I've run workshops with Jen in this particular format, so let's run them again because we know it works." And I worry that that pattern might, you know, force me to miss things. Whereas being audacious or being bold or thinking more broadly (I don't know what that exact word is yet), I think is a good way to remind myself to like, yeah, be a bit bold and audacious in my thinking.

Jen: It reminds me of...sometimes when I'm helping people with a Why statement, we'll mix the words up, just change the order to see which ones resonate in a different order. So, can I reflect back to you some possible combinations?

Pete: Yeah.

Jen: So I heard you say, "intentionally bold," or "intentionally audacious." What happens if you put those words first? Does something resonate more? "Bold intention." "Audacious intention." "Boldly intentional." "Audaciously intentional." Does that elicit a stronger feeling? You don't have to answer that, but sometimes playing around with the order of the words can be helpful in that way.

Pete: Yeah, I love that. Before you offered the options, and when you said, "Reverse the order," I wrote down, "Audaciously intentional."

Jen: Mmm.

Pete: I think I quite like that. I think I quite like that. I'm going to stew on that. I think we've just gone from a shitty first draft to a shitty half draft, maybe? I feel like I'm almost there, based on this conversation.

Jen: "Audaciously intentional," and, "Intentionally audacious."

Pete: Alright. Yep. I'm feeling good about that.

Jen: Alright.

Pete: I'm feeling good about that. Huh. Well, this has been progress. Not just that we've shared our process, but actually, I think you've kind of helped me nail...I think the same thing happened last year. You might have helped me nail my two words.

Jen: I caught that dot.

Pete: You did. You really did. So listener, we would love to hear what your process is for the end of year. If this is helpful in the way that you think about yours, please share with us learnings from your photo reel or your calendar, or your reflection, or your projection. Share with us your two words by sending us an email at hello@thelongandtheshortpodcast.com, or you can tag us on Instagram, or find us on social media on our Facebook page. We have a Facebook page, just search for The Long and The Short Of It. We would love to hear, what are you planning for 2022?

Jen: Have a great year, everyone. We are so looking forward to bringing you more podcast episodes in 2022 that are intentionally audacious and help you to catch your own dots.

Pete: And that is The Long and The Short Of It.