The Long and The Short Of It

Episode 254 - Baby Brain

Transcript:

Pete: Well, hey, Jen.

Jen: Well, hey, Pete.

Pete: It's been a minute. It's been a minute.

Jen: It's been a minute for us, but the listeners have heard us every week. But you and I just took several weeks off.

Pete: We did. We did. And in those several weeks, I have become a father and a dad.

Jen: Wait, wait, wait, what? What?

Pete: I became a dad, in those weeks. And one would think, I was thinking, "Oh, I'm going to have all this time off. And maybe I'll think of great ideas for episodes." And we had this recording in the calendar, and I woke up this morning and I was like, "My brain literally does not function anymore. I don't have any ideas, so maybe we could record an episode about baby brain."

Jen: Relatable. #relatable. This is The Long and The Short Of It.

Jen: Okay, Pete.

Pete: Jennifer.

Jen: I'm just, I'm trying to empathize with the listeners right now who are like, "What?"

Pete: "What?" I know.

Jen: "Pete's wife had a baby? We didn't even know Pete's wife was pregnant." So can you just do like a quick little baby update, and then we can dig into the topic?

Pete: I'm sorry, listeners. It wasn't intentional. It's kind of one of those things where we had like so many episodes in a row and in the can. And at some point, you were like, "You know, you've not told anyone on our podcast that you're about to have a baby." So it wasn't deliberate, I promise. I still love you, listeners. My wife and I, just before moving to Brisbane, actually, which was late 2022...see, my brain is already like trying to process what day it is. 2022, we discovered just before we were moving to Brisbane that we were pregnant, which was very exciting and intentional. And so we spent nine months moving into a new city and a new state in Australia, figuring out a new life while also getting our head around becoming parents. And so on July 5th, 10:38pm (I think), Oliver Jonathan Shepherd (little Ollie) was born. And I've spent the last four weeks basically in this bubble of trying to get my head around being a parent, trying to support Tracey as much as possible, and trying to keep little Ollie alive. So far, so good.

Jen: He's so cute, listeners. He's so cute.

Pete: I mean, we think so. But of course, we would say that. And my running joke is that he takes after his mother and not his father, that's for sure.

Jen: He looks like a little porcelain baby doll. He's got the most perfectly round little head and the cutest little face. Anyway, I'm so happy for you guys. Congratulations.

Pete: We love Ollie. Thank you. I'll put a photo in the Box O' Goodies, listeners. Again, I'm sorry. I wasn't trying to hide anything from you, I promise. It just didn't come up in conversation. We were talking about like perfectionism and difficult conversations, it didn't feel relevant.

Jen: And from now on, the only thing we're going to talk about is our children.

Pete: Sorry, not sorry.

Jen: Okay. So what's so funny about the way you teed up this episode, Pete, is you and I were catching up before we hit record, and you were like, "I just thought of a couple life updates, but I'm pretty sure I'll forget them. So let me write them down, and then I'll tell you." And I was like, "Oh my gosh, baby brain."

Pete: Yeah, it's real. It's real. I mean, I didn't even have the baby. Like I can only imagine what, and I've seen what Tracey's like brain and body is going through in trying to process everything that she went through. And I'm like just riding shotgun, and I'm experiencing it too. So it's like, it's wild. It's wild.

Jen: Well, even for our listeners who have never experienced literal baby brain, I do think baby brain, when I was a new mother, taught me a lot about how to try to capture or collect or remember information. And just based on watching you write down the updates you wanted to share with me, it seems like that is true for you too. So, maybe we can borrow the lessons of baby brain to talk about how we collect our ideas and thoughts.

Pete: Oh, I like that. I like that. It's funny, actually...I feel like I can feel my wheels in motion here. You reminded me of, I'm reading this amazing book at the moment, it's called Excellent Advice for Living by Kevin Kelly. Kevin Kelly famously wrote the essay called 1,000 True Fans, which was popularized by many people and referenced by so many people like Tim Ferriss and Seth Godin, about thinking about your creative pursuit or your entrepreneurial journey. And anyway, I'll put it in the Box O' Goodies. This essay, 1,000 True Fans, it's like a viral essay that's really, really cool. He wrote this book, which is, the tee up is kind of like, "Oh, I started writing down lessons for my kids. And I'm sixty-seven years old, and I realized I've got like hundreds of these things. So I compiled them into a book, and here they are." And they're like, some of them are like two sentences. One of them...I am paraphrasing this, because he's very concise with his words, but it's something to the tune of, "Humans overrate their ability to remember things. So like, grab a pen and paper, and write stuff down," is kind of the prompt. And that, to me, feels like exactly what you described. It's like, yes, this, for me, is like baby brain. But it's also, I think, relevant to most of us, where, I do this all the time, I'm like, "Oh, there's a great idea. I'll remember that when I get back to my desk." And I get back to my desk, and it's gone.

Jen: Yep. Been there, experienced that.

Pete: It's the worst.

Jen: It really is. Well, I remember first being introduced to the book Getting Things Done by David Allen, which is essentially a productivity book.

Pete: Oh, that's a classic.

Jen: Yeah.

Pete: Right, right.

Jen: And I'm paraphrasing as well, but essentially, he says, "Your brain is not a storage device. Like, it is not a storage locker."

Pete: Right. That's good.

Jen: "And if you don't write things down, you will forget them. You will have trouble sorting things and prioritizing things if you don't actually get them out of your head and onto the page in some form." So, I'm curious to hear your methods. I've got some of my own.

Pete: Likewise. I was just going to ask you...like I'm realizing even thinking about them now, some of mine are so low tech and so unsophisticated, but they tend to work for me. I was going to ask you, have you got like some in particular? Like, you know, some people have a notepad beside the bed. I've heard that one used quite a bit. Have you got things like that in place?

Jen: Why yes, I do, Peter, as a matter of fact.

Pete: Of course you do.

Jen: It's funny, I'm realizing that my methods are very location specific.

Pete: Okay, say more.

Jen: So like at the studio, I've got a gigantic whiteboard in my office. And if I have something I need to remember, I draw a little box in the corner of the whiteboard, and then I write the things I need to remember in there. And then, I go in and I sort those later.

Pete: Nice.

Jen: But if I'm on the move or if I'm at home, I typically use an app called Things, where I basically just type in the thing and it goes into a general inbox. And then, I've got a designated time a couple times a week where I sort my inbox.

Pete: Nice.

Jen: The other thing that I do is, if it's something that has some sort of like logistical or numerical component, I text it to myself.

Pete: Oh my god. Oh my god. That's what I do. That's what I do. That's what I do. Yes, yes, yes.

Jen: So like, flight numbers, I text to myself. Sometimes...I know I shouldn't do this, but sometimes a password, I'll text it to myself.

Pete: But that's, wait, so for you that's specific to numerical, did you say?

Jen: Well, it's like things that have numbers or things that are like super logistical.

Pete: Okay. Okay. Okay.

Jen: And sometimes, if I am on a call like this one...I'm holding this up to the camera, so you can see it. And Pete is doing the exact same thing.

Pete: We both have an index card.

Jen: I keep a little sticky notepad right next to the computer. And yeah, I will write something down that has to be done and stick it to my computer, so the next time I open it, I see it. Or when you and I are talking and there's something I want to remember for the podcast episode, I also keep my favorite thing that I own in the world, my ReMarkable Tablet, and I write it there.

Pete: It's taken nine and a half minutes, I was waiting for you to reference the ReMarkable Tablet. It felt very relevant to baby brain.

Jen: So, what is your method?

Pete: So, I feel like I have various methods also. And they are, like I said, so unsophisticated. I'm trying to work out if there's a rhyme or a reason but I don't necessarily think there is, other than there's this kind of overarching theme, I guess, in my methods, which is, I try and put it in a place where I can't ignore it.

Jen: Mmm-hmm. Smart.

Pete: And for me, that looks like either an index card...so I'm holding up like classic old school index cards that are a little bit bigger than a business card, with a bunch of lines, and you just write stuff on them. I have like a stack of them. And if I write something on an index card and I literally put it on my keyboard, then every time I look at my computer, or go and get a coffee and come back, it's like sitting on my keyboard. I guess I have this quirk where I don't want index cards with writing on my desk. So I'm like, "In order for me to get rid of that, I need to action it or remember it or do something with it. And then, I can tear it up and I can throw it in the bin." Now, this...sidebar, by the way, this is actually a quirk I have when I'm coaching leaders and executives, is I'll often scribble things down on an index card as they're talking so that I can reference them back, or like just maybe pick up a theme that I'm noticing, or capture a thought so I don't have to remember it. And it's part of my process, in the moment of coaching. I don't often do something with those notes after the fact. I use them in the coaching themselves. And then sometimes, depending on what I think came up, I might write it down into like a doc that I have on my computer. But sometimes, I'm like, "No, we got to where we needed to go. The notes are no longer relevant." This one time, I literally, I forgot that I was still on the call with the executive, I guess, and I literally just tore the index card up in front of him. And he goes, "Did you just tear up your notes?" And I was like, "Yes. I did. And it's not because what you said was not important. It's because that's my process." I was like, "Well, that was a great session," as I'm tearing my notes in half. Anyway, so index cards, I can't ignore those. And then the other ones, for me, texting myself is another one. I do this all the time. It's not specific to numerical or things that involve numbers, but it's perhaps because I'm on the move and I've got my phone. I don't like having unread messages in my phone. So if I text myself and don't read it, then when I next pick up my phone, I'll see an unread message and go, "Damn it, I need to do something about that," and then that will prompt me to do something about it. So, I'll text myself a quote or an idea for a podcast. I'll text myself a reminder to go to an appointment. I'll text myself things to pick up at the grocery store. Like, I do all sorts of random things when I text myself. Oh, screenshots as well.

Jen: Mmm-hmm.

Pete: I take screenshots of things that I want to remember, like, you know, the timestamp of a podcast episode, or a quote, or something in an email that I want to reference later. Because I guess I also keep on top of my photo reel in my camera, I'm realizing. So like, if I see a screenshot in my photos, I go, "Oh, I need to do something about that." Another weird quirk. And then my final one is, in the same way that I text myself, I also email myself. So, I tend to operate in inbox zero. And so if there's an email in there, unread, that, to me, is like a to do. So, that is also what I do. Now, again, none of these are like, "If this, then that." It's just kind of, "I feel like emailing myself today," or, "I feel like using an index card today." There's no rhyme or reason.

Jen: Mmm-hmm.

Pete: But these are some of my little methods.

Jen: I just realized one other circumstance in which I text myself, and that is ingredients for recipes.

Pete: Oh, good one.

Jen: Like if I'm going to the grocery store and I'm purchasing ingredients for a specific recipe, I text that to myself. I don't know why, I just do.

Pete: I do the same thing, especially in recent weeks with baby brain. Tracey has been like, "Can you go into the shop and get, I don't know, three things?" And I'm like, "Let me just text myself those three things real quick."

Jen: Yep. Baby brain is amazing. So, when Cate was a little baby...I told you this offline but the listeners might get a kick out of this...I could never remember what I was supposed to put in the diaper bag, because I was so sleep deprived. So I made a checklist, like an inventory checklist, which I hung by my front door. And anytime I was leaving the house with her, I would look at the checklist and go through and make sure everything was in the diaper bag.

Pete: Mmm-hmm, mmm-hmm.

Jen: Which is a nice segue to something I wanted to share, which is, there's a pretty famous study about...and I'll put the study in the Box O' Goodies, or maybe some less dry articles referencing the study in the Box O' Goodies...conducted by some behavioral scientists about people in very high stress, life-or-death kinds of high-performing teams, and what was more likely to create a positive outcome. So, we're talking about people on surgical teams, we're talking about pilots working together. And the answer was checklists.

Pete: Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

Jen: It's just amazing that having something to reference, the confidence that it gives you. Obviously, you're not forgetting any steps. But my feeling after learning about this study was, "If it is good enough for pilots who are in that scenario where you've got a whole bunch of people's lives in your hands, then it's good for my diaper bag."

Pete: Yes. Similar matters of life or death, I might add.

Jen: Right.

Pete: Getting caught out there without a diaper or a nappy, that does feel like life or death sometimes. It does feel like that.

Jen: When there's a poop explosion, nothing is more serious.

Pete: "Where's my checklist?" I must disclaimer this recommendation with the fact that I have not read the full thing, but there is a book called The Checklist Manifesto, and it speaks to this like power that we're talking about, i.e. the power of a checklist. And again, I haven't read the whole thing, but I've heard the author talk about it a few times and the gist I picked up was what you're talking about, which is, I think we underrate how helpful and powerful just having a checklist can be. And whether that's a checklist of things that you need to do before you go and go for a walk with your baby, or whether it's a checklist...which, I know this for sure, pilots have checklists, like you mentioned, that they have to run through before they take off, before they land, before they do anything. So, yes. Yes, yes, yes to the power of a checklist.

Jen: There is a wonderful book, while we're recommending books, by Annie Murphy Paul…

Pete: Alright.

Jen: …which I have referenced several times on this podcast, and I know I've put it in many Boxes O' Goodies, which I shall do again, called The Extended Mind. And so much of it is fascinating. She explores the power of our mind and how we can extend it in many different ways, from the physical extension of our mind using our literal bodies, to things like whiteboards, journals, index cards. And it is a wonderful book, I learned so much from it. And if any of you want to nerd out about how you might overcome baby brain and extend your mind, check it out. I'll drop a link in the Box O' Goodies.

Pete: Oh yeah, I love a good book recommendation. I feel like I needed this episode prior to having a baby, by the way. Because yes, it's through the lens of, "Pete's got baby brain," but it's, to your point, this so relevant to so many people all the time. We, I think, are all trying to hold too many things in our brain. And if we can think about ways to get it out of our brain and onto paper...I think actually, sometimes, you know, I don't know if you've experienced this, but sometimes when I think I have too much to do or I'm overwhelmed, I start to write it down. And then, you look at it on an index card and go, "Oh, that's not that many things."

Jen: Yeah.

Pete: So there's something in like getting it out of your brain. So, yes to Annie Murphy Paul's book, yes to The Checklist Manifesto (which I am recommending, even though I haven't read the whole thing), and yes to this idea of like, "Where might you capture things that you need to remember, so that you can avoid feeling like you've got baby brain," which is how I feel 24/7 at the moment.

Jen: And Pete, I know I don't just speak for myself, but I speak...I feel very confident about this....I speak for all of our listeners. Congratulations to you and Tracey. And happy birthday, sweet Oliver Shepherd.

Pete: Thank you, Jennifer. Thank you, listeners. That is The Long and The Short Of It.