The Long and The Short Of It

Episode 275 - 2024

Transcript:

Pete: Hello, Jennifer.

Jen: Hello, Peter.

Pete: Happy New Year, Happy New Year. It's 2024. What the hell...what the hell?

Jen: What the hell? How did it happen?

Pete: Oh my god, I saw this meme the other day that was like, "That moment when you realize you're still processing 2019...and it's also five years ago."

Jen: Right. That's right. That's where we're at.

Pete: Like, you're processing what happened in 2019 but you're also processing the fact that that was five years ago, which is not okay.

Jen: That's right.

Pete: Anyway. So it's the beginning of a new year, which means that it's customary for us to have a chat about, "What does our new year look like? What are we thinking? Have we reviewed the previous year? What have we learned? And how do we set ourselves up for success in 2024?"

Jen: I'm here for it. Let's go. This is The Long and The Short Of It.

Pete: Alrighty, so like I said, this is customary. Each year we share our process, I guess, for having reflected back on the year, and the learnings, and like what went well, and what didn't go so well. And then, we often put that into, "Okay, and what are we committing to? What are we thinking about? What are we focusing on, moving forward in 2024?" In the past, we've come up with words. You've come up with really cool phrases. We've come up with like systems and processes and ideas. And so I guess to start with, I'm curious, how is your process looking this year? Is it the same? Is it different? What's new? Where are you at with your reflection/projection process?

Jen: Well, what is new this year is we are recording this episode before I run my end-of-year review workshop, Name It To Claim It. So in our previous years, I had already run that workshop and I was like, "I know exactly where I'm going." That workshop is a week from the day that we are recording this, so I am still in my preliminary phase of looking at everything and figuring out where I want to go.

Pete: Well, this is exciting. Because usually, I'm the one that's unprepared and like, "Jen, I haven't spent any time on this," and you're like, "I've already run my workshop, and I've already got my words, and I've already got my phrase for the year," and I'm like, "Goddammit." So, what does the preliminary work look like? Have you done any version of like a recap on 2023, or have you just been thinking about it?

Jen: Well, in preparing to run the workshop, I've reviewed my process...which I should share, so I'll do that in a second. But I had this experience with a word happen to me at the beginning of this month, and I cannot shake it.

Pete: Okay.

Jen: So, I will share that as well.

Pete: Nice, alright. Hit me.

Jen: Okay. So to start with the process, my end-of-year review process has three parts. I reflect on the year past, asking, you know, questions that we've talked about in many past episodes, reflection scripts like, "What went well? What went less well? What were some of the unexpected challenges I faced? Were they anomalies? Could they repeat themselves?" You know, those kinds of questions. So I just sort of like gather information from myself about where I thought I was headed, where I ended up, what I learned along the way. So, that's Phase One. Phase Two is what I call "Project". So first we reflect, then we project. And this always makes you uncomfortable, Pete, but I've got to say it. I project five years in to the future.

Pete: Oh my god, 2029. What does 2029 look like?

Jen: Which is funny, considering what you were saying in the intro. Yeah, so in 2029, my daughter will be a freshman in college.

Pete: Oh my gosh, that is...yeah. Ollie will be five and a half. That's not okay. I'm not okay with that.

Jen: Yeah, it's really crazy. So I first asked myself, "Five years from now, what am I hoping is happening?" So, you know, I'll do this in more detail when I actually do the workshop, because I always do this work right alongside the people who are taking the workshop. But I imagine that five years from now, I want to be able to give my daughter the kind of college education she's wanting and the kind of experience that she's hoping to have. My husband and I will be empty-nesting, so I'll want to feel connected and close to him, and like we have new adventures ahead of us.

Pete: Yeah.

Jen: I will be five years farther along in my journey with my studio.

Pete: Wild.

Jen: And I have visions for my clients.

Pete: Yeah.

Jen: Certainly, where I'd like to see them five years from now and how I might be helping them get there. So, you know, dreaming about the future and painting the picture, not because we're going to marry that, but because it's helpful to know that what I want five years from now can help me establish healthy priorities for the near future.

Pete: Right. Like, "What do you need to do now, that enables that to happen in five years," is what you mean.

Jen: Exactly, exactly. So, "What do I want five years from now? What does that mean for the coming year? And based on that, what are some of the things I might toy around with naming as goals?" And I know I've said this on many past episodes, Pete, I'm about goal-setting. I don't care about goal-reaching, I'm just about goal-setting.

Pete: Yeah. I can't tell you how many times I've used that Jen Waldman-ism with clients, and you can see their like brains kind of melting, of like, "What do you mean? What do you mean, you don't care about goal achieving? Isn't that the point?" And it's like, "Or, is setting the point?"

Jen: Yeah, it's what you learn in setting the goal. So, we do that. And then Phase Three is "Activating", actually naming a way that you're going to think about the coming year that's in alignment with everything you've just learned about yourself, what you want, what you value. And this is the thing you were alluding to earlier, I like to exit that workshop with a very concise values-based phrase that has a lot of action in it, that I can apply on the macro and on the micro to help guide me toward values-driven goals in the next year.

Pete: Right. Like was, "Bring it home," one? Am I right in thinking that? It just comes to mind.

Jen: "Bring it home," was one. Last year was, "Invest in the good stuff."

Pete: That's right. That's right. Ah, so good.

Jen: I've had, "Lift the walls." "Leak the content."

Pete: Yeah. Oh my God, I'm getting nostalgic hearing all these phrases.

Jen: Right? "Catch the dots." (That was a personal favorite.)

Pete: That was a good one. Yeah. Nice. Well, I feel like our processes in the past have been really similar. I've shared a version of this every year, but I often look back at my photo reel in my camera of the year that was, and look because my theory is I take a photo of things that have brought me joy or capture my attention. So I'd go back and look, and I go, "Huh. What am I taking photos of? What are the themes?" This year, I have 7,422 photos of Oliver.

Jen: That's all?

Pete: That's a pretty common theme. And then, I look at my like journals and diaries and, you know, things that I was writing down that I was grateful for along the way, to see if there's anything I can learn from that. Now, the thing that's happened this year, I had a conversation with the incredible Kirsty Stark, who may be the most mentioned friend of ours on this podcast.

Jen: Because she's a genius.

Pete: She's a genius. And she, just as Kirsty would in the most generous way, called me out a little in the sense of like, "Okay, Pete, you do the same process every year. I feel like you know what you're going to be grateful for, having done this review that many times now. And I feel like you know the kinds of things that have worked well, and maybe even what hasn't." So she's like, "Why don't you start with the question, 'What's different next year?'"

Jen: Mmm.

Pete: And so, at the moment, I haven't gotten to the point of doing my review or thinking about 2024, except for the fact that with this conversation with Kirsty, I've come up with some questions (which she basically gave me) that I'm starting to think about as I look forward to 2024. So like, "What's different next year," is one of them.

Jen: Hmm.

Pete: And I think it's such a juicy one, because I feel lucky over the last few years where I could easily just go do another version of last year, but slightly better. You know?

Jen: Mmm-hmm.

Pete: Like, keep the momentum up from last year. Because I feel like you and I have this process so dialed in that we kind of know what to focus on and what not to focus on. So, "What's different next year," was a really interesting question for me. I guess I'll share my immediate response to that when she asked me, was, "What's different is, obviously, I have a son for a full twelve months. And Tracey is going back to work at some point. And so what's different is, my time is so much more constrained." In a good way, because I want it to be constrained because I want to spend time with both Tracey and Ollie. And in the past, I've had less constraints on my time, because I'm like, "Sure, I can go to Sydney tomorrow. I'll just let Tracey know that I'm going to Sydney tomorrow, and that's all good." Whereas this year, it's like, "But who's picking up Ollie from daycare?" You know?

Jen: Right.

Pete: So, I have a very real difference this year. And that is going to shape, I think, how I think about and focus on specific things for this year.

Jen: Mmm. That's good. What are some of the other questions in that new question catalogue?

Pete: I'm so glad you asked. The second question I'm obsessed with, because it's an episode that we recorded recently. Which, by the way, you mentioned and we got some feedback on that's like really helped change people's lives, you said...the Rules episode.

Jen: I literally had someone say that to me yesterday and I've gotten a bunch of emails basically saying the same thing, which is, "I listened to that episode, and immediately I saw the world in a new way. And it has changed my life."

Pete: Wild. Wild. Yeah, I mean, I'll put the link to it in the Box O' Goodies.

Jen: This is the Rules episode that we're referencing.

Pete: Yes, the Rules episode. So this is a question I'm thinking about, which is, "What rules can I set for myself?" So it's almost like looking at, "What's different next year? And what are my priorities next year?" Like I mentioned, you know, having time with Ollie and like supporting Tracey to transition back to work is really important to me. So then the question of like, "What rules can I set for myself to sort of enable that?" So for example, from May onwards, I'm not going to be working on Mondays. I'm going to have that as my day with Ollie, and Tracey is going to be back to work beyond then. So, that's one rule that I'm having and I've already implemented. I had a client reach out yesterday, like, "Hey, we've got this workshop idea for June. Are you free on Monday, the 12th," or whatever the date was, I made that up. And I was like, "Actually, I'm not working Mondays, from May." And so, I've already implemented it. So that is a question of like, "What rules can I set for myself?"

Jen: Love that.

Pete: That's the one I'm most excited about digging into actually. And I just want to spend like a couple hours or an hour or so just brainstorming, "What are some rules?" I've already got some, like I mentioned, that came to my mind. The other couple of questions, I guess, just to throw them out there for now. "What is my capacity?"

Jen: Mmm.

Pete: Which I think goes off the back of that, of like, "Okay, so one of your rules is you're not working Mondays." And another rule I'm thinking about is, "I only travel on Wednesdays and Thursdays, for example." Then, "What is your capacity? And how do you know where you're at? When you're at it?" Because in the past, because my time has been a little more unconstrained I would say, it's really easy to just say yes and squeeze things in. "Oh, I could jam a workshop in between recording a podcast with Jen and doing that coaching with someone else." Now, it's like, "How many of those can you say yes to until you're at capacity?" So that question I'm finding confronting already, just looking at those four words.

Jen: Yeah, I just started to feel queasy.

Pete: Yeah. When Kirsty asked me, I was like, "Absolutely not. I can't answer that question. What is my capacity?" Yeah, the people pleaser, the yes man in me...it's a question I'm going to grapple with, I think. And then the fourth one, just to throw out another one, is, "What does accountability look like?" So, "What's different? What rules can I set for myself? What's my capacity? And what does accountability look like?" They're the four questions currently in my noodle that I am pondering. How do you feel about those?

Jen: I love them. I will borrow them. I cannot wait to include those. I am already feeling called out by the questions, so that's a good sign. That's a good sign. The discomfort is real.

Pete: Ah, yes, sure is.

Jen: So I mentioned, Pete, that I had this experience with a word.

Pete: Yes, yes, yes. That was a teaser, five minutes ago.

Jen: Yeah. So in years past, I've entered my reflection process literally clean slate, no idea what my phrase was going to be, not even like symbols in mind or anything. It really came out of the process. But this year, I'm going into this with a deep desire to include this particular word. So at the beginning of this month, I ran a workshop that's the monthly workshop in my new online studio, in the community that's called The Career Collective. And the theme of the workshop was, "In preparation for setting goals in 2024, let's first raise our standards."

Pete: Nice.

Jen: So it was really a workshop about confronting yourself, in terms of how you might raise your standards for what you're expecting of yourself, what you're expecting of other people, what you're hoping to accomplish, etc. And while I was running that workshop, I went to my favorite website.

Pete: Oh my gosh, digital thesaurus...visual thesaurus...visualthesaurus.com.

Jen: Visualthesaurus.com, and I typed in the word "raise". And Pete, the most beautiful family tree of words came up. And so, I am committed to including the word "raise" or some form of the word "raise" in my statement this year. Can I just read you a couple of these?

Pete: Please.

Jen: I'm going to pop this screen grab in the Box O' Goodies, so people can see how excellent the visual thesaurus is. So "raise": to sound out, to pronounce, to say, to wager, to play, to create, to provoke, to bring up, to advance, to resurrect, to stir up, to get hold of, to bring out, to multiply.

Pete: Ooh, I like multiply.

Jen: Etcetera, etcetera. I mean, there are like a hundred synonyms here. And I'm like, "Wow, when I think about whatever it is I'm trying to do, all of those words apply."

Pete: Mmm.

Jen: So I don't know if it's going to be "raise" as like, "Raise fill-in-the-blank," like, "Raise it up," or like, "Raise my standards," or, "Raise my voice," or is it like, "Give my self," and I'm thinking of my self as two words, "Give my self a raise."

Pete: Oh, oh, oh, I like this.

Jen: Yeah, so I'm like going in with some pre-ideas of what I want the phrases to be, and my participation in the workshop this year is going to be figuring out, "What do I actually mean by that?"

Pete: Yeah. Nice. And maybe part of it is, like you mentioned, like it could mean all of the above.

Jen: Yeah, I think it has to mean all of the above. I want it to apply in every situation.

Pete: Nice. Oh, that's good. I like that, that word idea.

Jen: Right?

Pete: I haven't even thought about what a word might be. I also need to call myself out. In last year's episode, I realized, I think I said something like, "Oh, I'm only doing a six-month plan, because something's going to happen halfway through the year."

Jen: Right.

Pete: And I had some friends text me like, "Are you pregnant? Is that what's happening? Like, are you and Tracey pregnant?" And yes, we were. And we hadn't told many people at that point. So, I didn't necessarily change anything. I did look at it, six months through the year. And I decided to continue on with my words, which were "decisive" and "connection" at the time, and they still felt relevant. So I doubt that anyone is out there going, "Pete, you said you would re-record at six months, and you didn't." I apologize. I acknowledge it. And...yes. Also, I feel like you'll get a tickle out of this. (This is a little aside, but I think relevant.) I mentioned in the past, I do a like review of my gratitude journal. And like, "What was I grateful for? And is there something I can learn from that?" So yesterday, I discovered/rediscovered every single gratitude journal I've ever had.

Jen: Wow.

Pete: And I use the Five Minute Journal, which I'll put a link to in the Box O' Goodies. And I turned to the very first page, the 18th of July, 2015.

Jen: Woah.

Pete: And I was like, I was curious, "Has anything changed, in terms of the kinds of things that I appreciate and I'm grateful for? Or in terms of the things that make a great day?" And the answer, my friends, is absolutely not. Absolutely not. No, on the 18th of July 2015, I was grateful for a sleep in.

Jen: Hmm.

Pete: Yep, still appreciate a good sleep in. I was grateful for a cup of coffee, which I still am grateful for. And I was grateful for finding and discovering the Five Minute Journal, which I still am.

Jen: Wow.

Pete: So, I think it was an interesting timing to revisit it, having had Kirsty say to me, "Pete, you do this every year. What's really going to change next year? Because you kind of already know the things that you're grateful for." And as it turns out, she's right.

Jen: Ah, wow, I think that is charming.

Pete: I want to turn to the day that I met Jen Waldman, because I'm sure that I would have been grateful for meeting Jen Waldman. That would have been really fun.

Jen: Well, I know what date that was, if you want to look it up.

Pete: October...2018? 2018?

Jen: I'm going to tell you right now, Pete. It was October 2nd, 2017. But Pete, as I'm looking at this, you know what else is coming up?

Pete: What?

Jen: The moment that...well, I was going to say my life changed forever, but I think it is also your life.

Pete: Uh-huh.

Jen: Which is (in New York time) Tuesday, October 24th, 8:40pm Eastern Time, is the day we had that really important coaching call.

Pete: Wow. Wow.

Jen: That was the day where everything changed, Pete, and you and I became a thing.

Pete: It's true. It's true. And here we are, still to this day. So I'm going to commit to going back through my journal from October 2017, and I'll put a photo in the Box O' Goodies. Because I am sure I mentioned the fact that I'm grateful for meeting Jen Waldman at some point during that month, so I'm going to put it in there. That'll be fun.

Jen: Wow. This has been a real joy to record. And, you know, Pete, I will be very curious to see where you and I both land in terms of specificity.

Pete: Yeah.

Jen: I want to challenge us to do something, which is...I'll have to get the exact date, but there is a date where most people "give up" on their New Year's resolutions.

Pete: Oh my god. Oh my gosh, is that like there's a date that's been researched? That's so funny.

Jen: Yes, there's a date that's been researched. So maybe around that date, in an effort to get people rethinking about how they want this year to go, maybe we can follow up on where you landed with your words for the year, where I landed with my phrase for the year, and share.

Pete: I love it. It feels like the answer to the fourth question that I posed, which is, "What does accountability look like?"

Jen: Hmm. Listeners, thanks for spending this time with us. We are both wishing you a very happy new year. Thanks,

Pete: Thanks, legends. And that is The Long and The Short Of It.