The Long and The Short Of It

Episode 295 - Y2K Mindset

Transcript:

Jen: Hello, Pete.

Pete: Hello, Jen.

Jen: Well, I think our listeners know this, but I am older than you are by...I don't even know how many years. I'm going to be forty-nine next month. How old are you?

Pete: I'm going to be thirty-five in November, I think. Yeah, that sounds right. Yeah.

Jen: So that will perhaps explain why you do or do not have a reaction to what I'm about to say...which is, the other day, I realized that I engage in this way of thinking that I have decided to call "Y2K mindset".

Pete: Alright. I assume you're referring to the ol' 2000 Y2K bug situation that was almost a thing, but not a thing.

Jen: That's right.

Pete: It was a thing, but it wasn't thing. Alright, I'm curious. Let the Boomer explain to the Gen Y...is that what we are?

Jen: I'm Gen X.

Pete: Sorry, oh my god. Let the Gen X explain to the Gen Y. This is The Long and The Short Of It.

Pete: I'm so sorry.

Jen: Hey, it's okay.

Pete: That's funny.

Jen: So after I coined for myself "Y2K mindset", I realized that I use this in a couple different ways. But I'll tell you, the way that first got me thinking about this was sometimes when I have a big scary thing coming up that feels kind of like quite mysterious, of, "At the stroke of such-and-such o' clock, is my life going to fall apart or is it just going to be fine?"

Pete: Yeah.

Jen: It's going to be fine.

Pete: It's going to be nothing. It's actually a nothing burger.

Jen: Right? And so, what I do...I might have shared this at some point, like if I'm doing a keynote or something. So right now, when we're recording this, it's about 6:30pm. So let's say I had a keynote to deliver at 8:30pm, I would say to myself, "In two hours and forty minutes, this will all be over. It'll be done."

Pete: I love that. Yeah.

Jen: And I just find it such a useful little self-talk moment, where I'm like, "All of this anticipation is coming to an end. So if you need to freak out right now, fine. But just know, silver lining is on the way, or the end of the tunnel," or whichever metaphor you like to use.

Pete: I do a version of this myself. Which is, often like if I'm taking the keynote or running a big workshop, and I might be interstate or even working internationally, I'll often just remind myself, "I'll be back in my hotel room tonight."

Jen: Right.

Pete: It's just like it's such a grounding, reassuring, like, "Everything that you're experiencing is so temporary. You'll be back in the hotel room. You'll probably have a little cup of tea and a robe on. You'll be comfortable. It'll all be good. Everything's going to be okay."

Jen: Right. I mean, the fact that we've made it to forty-nine and...what did you say? Thirty-four?

Pete: Thirty-five?

Jen: Thirty-five.

Pete: This year, yeah.

Jen: I know, I never know how old I am. I literally just had to do the math in my head. It means that we've been through so many of these moments.

Pete: Oh, yeah.

Jen: And we have continued forward.

Pete: Yes, I love the framing of it as the Y2K mindset. And it feels...I mean, the first thing that comes to mind for me, apart from the like, "Oh, I do this too," is like, the story we tell ourselves about the things that are about to happen is often either the worst part or at the very least shapes our experience of them.

Jen: Mmm-hmm.

Pete: And so often, the story we tell ourselves about them is just that: a story that we tell ourselves about them. It's not necessarily grounded in fact or truth or reality. And yet, I feel conflicted. Because, you know, our reality kind of is the way that we go through the world and the stories we tell ourselves about it. So, it's a weird like almost a cognitive dissonance moment. But I think the Y2K bug is such a good example of the story we all told ourselves and freaked out, and the worst part was the lead up. Because actually, in the moment, nothing happened. And so, what was all that for? All that worry, all that fear, all that doubt, there's got to be some like application for and learning from the way that we wind ourselves up. I say collective "we", but I'm really just referring to myself. I wind myself up before certain things, and often for no good reason. One of the things that's just reminding of is often when I have a coaching conversation with a leader, and they might say, "I need to have a difficult conversation with someone," where often the coaching gets to is the realization that the story they're telling themself about the conversation is what actually makes it feel difficult, not the conversation itself. Like, "Oh. Once I'm in it, turns out they were perfectly happy, and it wasn't a difficult conversation at all. But actually, I was building up in my head that it was this big, scary, audacious, overwhelming, and, you know, looming conversation that I just created in my head."

Jen: Right. Exactly. So, I find a lot of comfort in that.

Pete: Yeah, me too.

Jen: So I mentioned to you offline before we started recording, Pete, that I'm in the middle of doing one of my favorite things, which is Snatched in Six Weeks at Mark Fisher Fitness, here in New York City.

Pete: Oh yeah, the fitness program.

Jen: I love it so much. And it's so hard while I'm doing it, because...they have a couple different tracks. But the track I opt for, I'm literally counting all the macros, how many grams of protein, how much fiber, how many carbs. And it's like such a slog for six weeks. And I was thinking about all of the lead up to Snatched, and they do a great job of hyping it up as you're getting ready to start it. And then, you're in it, and I find myself going, "In six weeks, this will all be over. Like just go, go, go for six weeks." But this time, because right before we started this session, I decided that I was going to name this thing "Y2k mindset", I was like, "How can I apply this to Snatched in a way that feels like it has more longevity?" Like Y2K happened, and then we were and continue to be fine in terms of, my computer today is not going to suddenly reset to 1900. So, how can I use this in a different way? So what I've decided is that in six weeks, this chapter will be over. And then, I'm in this new era, which I'm calling "maintenance".

Pete: Nice.

Jen: So it's not like, "I'm going to do this for six weeks, and then I'm going to go back to my old ways." It's, "I'm going to do this for six weeks, and then I'm going to figure out a way to make this a more sustainable, ongoing way of existing."

Pete: Yeah, I like that. So it's the temporary sprint or the temporary change that you're in now that then sets the foundation for a more consistent change moving forward. Hmm.

Jen: So bringing this back to your example of a difficult conversation, instead of, "In an hour from now, this difficult conversation will be over and done," it's like, "In an hour from now, this conversation will be over, and we will have entered a new phase of this relationship or of an understanding of each other." That there is something that comes after.

Pete: That's such a helpful point to call out. Because, I mean, if we keep using the difficult conversation example, I often say to my clients, "It's difficult conversations. It's plural. Because very rarely is it one and done. It's pretty remarkable if you have one conversation that was meaty or crunchy or uncomfortable, that you perceive to be difficult, and then it's all over and everything is great. It's usually a series of conversations." Which I actually think is a an empowering way to look at it, because it sort of, for me, brings it back to taking it, you know, eating the elephant one bite at a time. Like having one little scary uncomfortable pause or question or feedback-based conversation at a time, rather than putting the pressure on yourself to solve every single thing through one conversation. I think it's so much more freeing to like break it down and frame it as conversations, with an "s".

Jen: Mmm-hmm.

Pete: I feel...I don't know if I feel like I'm channeling Jen Waldman here, but I feel like this is something you would do to me if it was an episode that I had posited. And that is, I'm curious about the positive version of this, which I think is where you were getting at. And I'm trying to take it like a step further, of, so if the story I tell myself about Y2K mindset has gotten me all wound up in a negative way, and actually it wasn't a big deal and turns out, I shouldn't have worried, what is the positive version of Y2K mindset? Like, positive anticipation. That if I'm going on an awesome holiday with my family, I actually believe that so much of the fun comes in the lead up to that holiday.

Jen: Yeah.

Pete: Before it's happened, when you're like texting each other and you're like, "Oh my god, have you packed the tent? Or have you got the sunshade? Or like, I've got my sunscreen or Ollie's got a new outfit for the occasion," or whatever it is. That the things that lead up to the event sometimes are actually the funnest part of the event, not the worst part of the event. So I'm like, is there a positive association we could have with Y2K mindset? Of like, yeah, the holiday will come and it'll probably go, and then you'll enter the new chapter. But think of all the fun you might have beforehand. Like, how can you create the conditions for that to be exciting?

Jen: Oh, I love that. I had not thought about that, and I think that is delightful.

Pete: It's fun. I'll cross check and I'll put in the Box O' Goodies, I think there's a Tim Ferriss-ism where he talks about putting things in the calendar. Because for him, the anticipation of knowing there's good things in the calendar like gives him the positive story he can tell himself all throughout the week or the month or the quarter, whatever it is. And so, it's a case for planning these kinds of things. There's a few people that have talked about that, actually.

Jen: Yeah. You know, right before this call, I was talking to someone who is doing my summer coaching program, The Reboot, and I was explaining to her that in the first week of the program, she's going to have to schedule four months worth of check-ins with me, because having the dates on the calendar motivates people to get the work done.

Pete: Right. Yeah.

Jen: Yeah.

Pete: It really does.

Jen: Okay. Here's one other angle of the positive spin, which I'm sure you can relate to as being a parent. You know, my daughter's about to enter high school. Ollie has started crawling and pulling himself up and assisted walking, right?

Pete: Trying to walk, and doing it all. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Jen: It's amazing. And as a parent, you really do have that, "In such and such a time...". So for me, it's like, "In four years, this era will be over. She'll go to college, and then on to her life. So, I'm going to make the most of every possible second I've got. I'm just going to love it.

Pete: Yeah. I mean, I'm only ten months into the journey, but I feel like that thing on the horizon is like never ending. It's like, "Soon, he'll crawl. And then, what will happen?" And then, he starts crawling, and you're like, "Oh. Soon, he'll walk. And then, what will happen?" You know? "Oh, and now he's one. And soon, he'll talk. And then, go to school." And I feel like it's just the perpetual, I'm sure, thing that we put in the future, of the perpetual Y2K mindset we can add to our parenting. But I love the idea of using it as a way to stay present and grateful for the things that we have.

Jen: Yeah. Okay, here's a totally different perspective on this.

Pete: Great.

Jen: The build up to Y2K was so unbelievable. I mean, it was really scary living through it. It was like, "Oh my gosh, what is going to happen?"

Pete: You must remember it better than I. I mean, I was...what? Ten? So all I really remember is like, there was a Simpson episode on it, and there was like various conversations about, "Computers are going to reset." And I didn't really know what any of that meant.

Jen: Well, I mean, there was talk about, yes, the computers resetting. But then like, "What does that do to the nuclear power plants? And like, what does that do to street traffic signals? And what does it do to planes that are in the air?" And it was just like so, so, so scary.

Pete: Oh, right. "And the economy...," yeah, yeah. Interesting.

Jen: And then, you know, midnight came and went, and we all sort of looked around and we were like, "Nothing happened. Why did nothing happen?" Because these computer programmers and adjacent disciplines were working around the clock to ensure that everything was going to be fine. Behind the scenes, invisible to us, but people were working on it. And so, as I was thinking about that over the last couple weeks since I landed on this thing, I have become so much more aware and appreciative of the world we live in. The other day, I was at my nephew's college graduation. There were thousands of people in this stadium, and the whole thing went off without a hitch. It was lovely. It was organized. It was peaceful. It was inspiring. And that didn't just happen.

Pete: Yeah. Yeah. It's so cool.

Jen: People were working around the clock, working their tushes off to make that possible. But for those of us who were there, we were like, "Graduation happened."

Pete: Right, right, right, right. Yeah.

Jen: You know? I just find myself kind of in awe of the world we're living in. And I know in the industry I work in, a lot of theater artists I work with feel frustrated that more people don't understand how much work goes into what we do. But the magic is, it happened. For the people who see it, it happened and they don't know how, but it was magic.

Pete: Yeah, I love that. You know, this is random, but it reminds me of a quote I've heard thrown around a lot at the moment as it relates to AI, that, "Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic." And I think, you know, technology you could apply to all of the contexts that you just shared, whether it's the technology of how a play gets put together or the technology that enables a graduation to happen, all the technology that was surrounding Y2K. That yeah, so often there are things happening, whether it's people creating those things or leveraging these technologies or technologies using themselves to create the conditions for such events, that feels like, sounds like, looks like magic.

Jen: Hmm.

Pete: Yeah. I had that experience the other day, when I, you know, had like a flawless day-trip to Sydney, which is like a, you know, ninety minute flight from where I am in Brisbane. And I, you know, got a 6:00am flight to Sydney, and then a taxi to the office that I was delivering this workshop, delivered a four-hour workshop, got back in a taxi straight to the airport, walked onto the plane, flew home, and I was home in time to go for a walk with Ollie. And I was like, "It's wild. I went to Sydney and back today. And here I am, walking around the park with my son. Like, this is crazy."

Jen: Isn't that amazing?

Pete: It is.

Jen: Magic.

Pete: I'm all for this, awe and magic. I feel like we need more awe and magic in our lives.

Jen: Yeah. I mean, everywhere you look, people have worked their butts off, behind the scenes, to make those moments possible for you, like a beautiful manicured park. I live on Riverside Park. It's gorgeous. That's not by accident. People made that happen. But I just get to walk through it. Or the other day, when my daughter and I were driving to my nephew's graduation, I was like, "Isn't it amazing that we're just driving, and we're not worried about anything? We know the roads are going to be safe. We know that they're going to be lit. We know that they're paved and they go to the place that we want to go. And we're not fearing for our lives right now. Like, we're just freely driving." It's really easy to take that for granted.

Pete: Yeah, totally. It's wild. It's really wild. Oh, I like this other frame of using Y2K mindset as a way to appreciate the things we have.

Jen: Yeah.

Pete: It feels like a gratitude prompt, for, "In the same way that people worked to avoid catastrophe in the year 2000, how else are people working to create the experiences that you're experiencing every day?" It feels wholesome, Jen Waldman. It feels wholesome.

Jen: Who knew Y2K would continue to inspire us in 2024?

Pete: And that is The Long and The Short Of It.