The Long and The Short Of It

Episode 322 - Graction

Transcript:

Jen: Well, hello there, Peter Shepherd.

Pete: Wow, formal today. Hello there, Jennifer Waldman.

Jen: We are recording this episode right at the beginning of the month of November, which, in the United States, is the month of Thanksgiving.

Pete: It's a big year. There's a lot happening in the United States in November.

Jen: What I wanted to talk to you about today is my personal theme for the month, which is gratitude.

Pete: Oh, great. I don't know if this has been an annual theme, but I feel like we've touched on Thanksgiving at times, so I'm down for this. As an Australian, I don't really know anything about Thanksgiving, so you can enlighten me. This is The Long and The Short Of It.

Jen: Well, I won't dig into the holiday because it's too much to unpack. And quite honestly, the history of Thanksgiving is quite problematic.

Pete: Oh, no.

Jen: These days, it's, you know, a turkey and some potatoes and corn, and family sitting around together.

Pete: Maybe an argument or two at the family table, yeah.

Jen: Yeah. The origin story is for another day.

Pete: Okay. But gratitude, the good stuff. Let's talk about gratitude.

Jen: Gratitude as a concept, yeah. So, you know, you made a joke about it being November in the States, and there's other stuff going on here right now. And as I was preparing my monthly workshop for my Career Collective, which is my online career-building community, I was like, "Gosh, this month is going to be really stressful, no matter how things go. What would be something that feels both cleansing and could potentially be strategic? What would feel good and productive?" And I was like, "Well, it's sort of built in, isn't it? Gratitude."

Pete: Yeah. Yep...I mean, I don't know what else to say other than yes. I'm with you. I'm catching what you're throwing, yeah.

Jen: So, I ran a workshop yesterday about how we might turn gratitude into action. And I wanted to share some of the things people came up with, because it was actually pretty inspiring.

Pete: Oh, I love this. I'm already curious. Because when I think of gratitude, I think of the, I guess commonly at this point referred to, practice of writing down a few things each day that you're grateful for. Maybe it's three, maybe it's one, maybe it's two, maybe it's ten. It's something I've done for, gosh, it must almost be over ten years. And without realizing, actually, I grew up doing, thanks to my dad, who used to ask us every night at the dinner table, "What was the best part of your day," which was essentially, "What's one thing you're grateful for," without framing it that way. So I've not thought about it being activated though or action-oriented. I think I've thought about it as like a reflection.

Jen: Yeah. Well, Pete, I was pretty pleased with myself that I decided to coin a phrase...

Pete: Here we go, another new phrase.

Jen: ...around turning gratitude into action. And did I go to ChatGPT and ask it if this phrase had ever been used before?

Pete: She did.

Jen: And it told me no. So, I'm going to own the fact that I've coined the word: graction.

Pete: Oh my god, I was just about to say, "Was it graction?" I knew it. Oh, that's so funny, which

Jen: Which is basically gratitude activated action.

Pete: Graction. Baby, I'm in. This is great.

Jen: Graction, baby.

Pete: Graction. Ah, yes. Yes, yes, yes. There's the title of our episode.

Jen: The first thing I did, actually, was I asked everyone to define the word "gratitude". And, you know, I'm a big definer. And I realized I had never defined that word for myself before.

Pete: I don't think I have either. That's so interesting.

Jen: You want to do it in the moment?

Pete: I'm trying in my head right now. How do you define it without saying the word? That's the thing that I'm stuck on, of like...

Jen: Right. It's really hard to say what gratitude is without saying the word "grateful". Right?

Pete: Right, exactly. A practice of capturing things that you're thankful for or appreciate...I don't know, something like that?

Jen: Something like that. I mean, I kind of landed on that, for me, gratitude is a feeling I get when I practice good finding or when I see something full of potential. It feels future-focused to me, even though often we express gratitude for things that have already happened.

Pete: Interesting.

Jen: I don't know, it feels like a little jolt forward to me.

Pete: Huh. I find it grounding.

Jen: Yeah.

Pete: I think, in a way, I find it maybe even the opposite of future-focused, which is grounding to not be looking forward at the next thing and the next goal or the next workshop or the next challenge, and actually to just go, "Oh, everything that you have right now is enough. All of the things around you, the people around you, the notepad you're writing on. That is so cool that you have that notepad and that pen, and you know how to write." Like, I find it actually makes me more present, as opposed to future-focused.

Jen: Interesting. Yeah. For me, it's like it makes the next moment better.

Pete: Huh. Oh, I like that.

Jen: So I had everyone define "gratitude" for themselves, and then we did two sort of exercises. The first was about finding gratitude in our own lived experiences, the events of our lives. And this particular group, we were talking about art and career-focused events. And then, the second exercise was about finding gratitude for the things that sort of surround your life but you don't necessarily have a personal relationship with. So, I could talk you through kind of what I did there.

Pete: Please. It's like a Jen Waldman masterclass on graction.

Jen: So for the first exercise, I asked everyone to analyze their career plot, the same way they would analyze the plot of a script, by identifying the major events and putting them sequentially on a timeline.

Pete: Cool.

Jen: Making sure like that all the dominoes fall over in the correct order. So, we did that. And then, I asked everyone to identify at least one person who participated in that event. And what was really interesting that came up, Pete, is like sometimes you have these super positive events that lead you to where you are right now, and it's so easy to identify who contributed and be so grateful for them. And then, sometimes you have like these really challenging events. Like in my own personal timeline, for example (I think I've mentioned this on the show before), I had a terrible water skiing accident when I was fourteen, that changed the trajectory of my life at the time. It was like a horrible, horrible thing. But now, I'm so grateful for it, because of all of the positive consequences. So anyway, we did that.

Pete: Isn't that wild? That's so wild, yeah. Just on that, one of my favorite podcast questions, Tim Ferriss asks it a lot, is like, "What was a favorite failure you had? Or a favorite thing that you perceived to be a failure, that actually, on reflection, was the catalyst for a whole bunch of really cool change?"

Jen: Yeah.

Pete: It's such a great question. Because I think we all have those hypothetical or metaphorical water skiing accidents...or actual, if it was you.

Jen: Yep. The number of broken bones I had before I turned, you know, twenty-five is really quite astonishing.

Pete: Oh my god.

Jen: Anyway, so we did that. And then, I pushed the pause button on that reflection and we moved on to this second idea, which is, "What are the resources, tools, books, shows, actors, creators who have ultimately shaped who you are, and with whom you do not have a literal social relationship?" For example, you and I talk about Brenè Brown all of the time, so she's on that list for me.

Pete: Right.

Jen: Some of her specific tools have really shaped the way I think, the way I create, the way I behave. So, we spent a good chunk of time reflecting on what those things might be.

Pete: Hmm. I like the latter. I mean, I like these both different trains of thought on what we might be grateful for. One of the things that sticks out to me that I like about the latter is being aware of and grateful for, rather than frustrated by, things that are outside our control. Like, the fact that Brenè Brown exists and writes these books that we just happen to know and like is totally outside of our control.

Jen: Right.

Pete: In the same way that if I had a plan to go to the beach and it starts raining one day, for example, it's totally outside my control. And this practice that I think about with gratitude as it relates to both of those events, for example, is, can you find the good in those things? Can you find the positive spin on the fact that it's raining when you wanted to go to the beach? "Oh, now I can put my gumboots on and go and splash in puddles with Olly," for example. Like that, to me, is a practice of gratitude, based on responding to something that's totally outside my control. I mean, this is so wild that you bring this up. Literally, this morning...I read this book each morning called The Daily Dad, by Ryan Holiday. And it's one page per day, dated (so you can keep reading it year after year), where he shares like a lesson, a meditation, an idea from usually stoic philosophy that relates to being a dad. And the one that he shared this morning was...I'll totally paraphrase it. I'll put a photo of it in the Box O' Goodies. But it was, essentially: Those moments where you get stuck in traffic with your kid or your plane gets delayed are not moments of frustration, not moments to avoid and get annoyed about, but actually awesome opportunities for you to spend more time with your kid. And he sort of makes a comment of like, "You've got them exactly where you want them, which is right next to you."

Jen: Aww.

Pete: "So enjoy that moment and appreciate the fact that the plane's been delayed, because now you get to go and run around the terminal together, or now you get to sing songs in the car together, whatever it is." I just love that idea of taking things that are outside your control and flipping it to be a cool opportunity to be grateful for, which I think is what you were getting at with like the Brenè Brown, the people in the world, the music in the world, the art in the world that exists that we have no control over.

Jen: Yes. Brenè Brown is going to keep writing books, whether or not you and I read them,

Pete: Right, right. Yes.

Jen: So that's sort of like the Reader's Digest version of the reflection portion of this gratitude experience. And I know for myself, when I have interacted with gratitude as a concept, that's kind of like where I stop. I have also kept a Gratitude Journal and been like, "Oh, I really like this thing," or like, "I'm grateful for this," or like, "Peaches, yay!" Every year peaches end up in my Gratitude Journal, right?

Pete: It's always the same thing, yeah. I'm always, "A good night's sleep," or, "A hot cup of coffee," you know? "Peaches."

Jen: So the question I had is, how do we take this gratitude and activate it? How do we make something out of it? And I'm, specifically in the context of this workshop, talking about building a career in the arts. That is the point. So, how do we activate our gratitude as a building block? And this is where we get to graction.

Pete: Here we go.

Jen: It's been a big build up. The most obvious thing is like, "Well, write a thank you note to someone." "Okay, I can express my gratitude. Tell them." You know, I do have this belief (and I'm sure I've mentioned it on many an episode), if I see something I think is great, I tell the person who made it that I saw it, and that I loved it, and, you know, I want them to keep going. But beyond the thank you note, how else might we activate our gratitude? So, this is where it got really interesting. Because I sent everyone into breakout groups, and each individual group had to come up with ten ways a person might activate gratitude. And then, they all came back to the main room, shared it all in the chat, and we had this gigantic graction menu, basically.

Pete: Nice.

Jen: A graction list, if you will.

Pete: I love it.

Jen: Graction items. So, here's one that seemed like so obvious. I listen to a lot of podcasts, as do you, Pete.

Pete: Too many, probably.

Jen: One way to express gratitude for some of the podcasts on my list would be to write a review.

Pete: Right, yeah. How often do we do that? So rarely, ironically. And we're podcasters, who would really appreciate reviews. So true.

Jen: Right? Or like, another way to show gratitude for a podcast is to share an episode that I loved with someone who I think might also benefit from it.

Pete: Right. I mean, you actually introduced me to this idea of like, "Take a screenshot and pop it on your social media or text it to a friend." It's such an easy action.

Jen: Right.

Pete: Huh...or graction.

Jen: Yeah. And that feels easier than saying like, "Okay, I really love Hidden Brain. I better find someone who knows Shankar Vedantam, so I can reach out to Shankar Vedantam and be like, 'Hey, I really loved your podcast.'" Which, I still could do.

Pete: Yeah.

Jen: But I also could show my gratitude for Hidden Brain by saying to someone, "Have you listened to Hidden Brain? I think you'd like it."

Pete: Yeah. "It's a great podcast." Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's awesome. I love that.

Jen: Right?

Pete: I feel like gifts is another one that comes up for me. I guess it's building on the theme that you just mentioned, is, if there's a book that you really like, could you buy five copies and gift them to five close friends or people that you think would benefit from that? That, to me, feels like graction for the author, but also graction for the people that you're gifting it to.

Jen: Right.

Pete: Like random acts of kindness, I guess, is another version of graction.

Jen: So a couple episodes ago, we were talking about games.

Pete: Yeah.

Jen: And so, the game for graction, I went back to the Bingo card. We decided to do Graction Bingo.

Pete: Yes.

Jen: And what's interesting, Pete, I made the Bingo card, and the first draft of the Bingo card was pretty prescriptive. And then, I was like, "Too prescriptive. I've got to open it up for interpretation." So I decided to remove everything other than the active verb associated with the square on the Bingo card, so that it literally is just a graction, and you can do whatever you want with it. So, I thought I would read it to you.

Pete: Oh my god. I'm going to draw this as you read, yes.

Jen: The twenty-four graction items, because you get the center square for free.

Pete: Alright, five-by-five. Yeah, gotcha.

Jen: Ready? I'll do it quick.

Pete: I won't try and transcribe then.

Jen: Don't worry, friends at home, I won't give it a dramatic reading. I'll do it quickly. And maybe I'll even put the Bingo card in the Box O' Goodies.

Pete: I think you have to, yeah.

Jen: Okay, here we go. Refer. Help. Revisit. Endorse. Tell. Connect. Highlight. Tag. Share. Include. Thank. Celebrate. Write. Attend. Recommend. Support. Invite. Encourage. Praise. Give. Appreciate. Update. Listen. Reconnect.

Pete: Mic drop. Yes.

Jen: Isn't it so good? Because I could listen to a podcast as a graction, or I could listen to someone's advice as a graction, or I could listen to someone who needs to be heard.

Pete: Right.

Jen: There are so many ways to activate all of this. So, we're playing Blackout Bingo this month. You've got to hit all the squares to win.

Pete: Nice. This is exciting. The thing I like about you distilling it to one word is it feels expansive and accessible. There are so many different ways to activate each of those. There's so many ways that aren't grandiose. I don't have to go and buy five books for someone, or I don't have to do some huge reach out or phone call. I could just, to your point, listen to my son when he's asking me for what he's asking for. Like, there's a version of that that's getting down on a knee and paying attention to what he's up to. Yeah.

Jen: Exactly.

Pete: Well, I want to play some Bingo. This is great.

Jen: Right? So all of this to say, this is how I've decided to spend the month of Thanksgiving / November...which is, as we mentioned, likely going to be a fairly stressful month here in the States. And practicing gratitude, taking action on gratitude (graction, as it were) feels like a very healthy way to go about one's day.

Pete: I totally agree. And the thing that I like about it, that I have reflected on myself as it relates to gratitude, is, it's so easy to be grateful or activate graction when everything is going amazingly, and you're in flow, and the world is spinning in the exact direction that you want it to spin, and your reachouts are landing with everyone you wanted to land with, and you get offered this project that you really want to work on, and everything, and you're like, "This is amazing. I'm so grateful for all these great opportunities." Where it gets really crunchy and where it becomes, I think, even more important is when there's some chaos, when there's a tumultuous time when things aren't quite going your way, whatever that means for you in your context. Because it's kind of wild how you can still find green shoots amongst a bunch of dead roots.

Jen: And that is The Long and The Short Of It.