The Long and The Short Of It

Episode 337 - Gorgeous Pythons

Transcript:

Jen: Hello, Peter.

Pete: Hello, Jen.

Jen: I am nearing the end of the most amazing six-week fitness journey. And I have learned so much in this fitness and nutrition journey, about...drum roll...

Pete: Fitness and nutrition.

Jen: Community.

Pete: Oh, I went for the very obvious.

Jen: Yeah, you thought I was going to be talking about grams of protein. But no, I'm talking about the importance of community.

Pete: It definitely feels a lot more like the kind of thing people come to this podcast for, as opposed to, "Let's talk about grams of protein." This is The Long and The Short Of It.

Pete: So how many macros are we crunching each day, Jen?

Jen: As a short, small person, not that many, Pete.

Pete: Not many, yeah. Right.

Jen: Not enough to make me a happy eater.

Pete: "I want more." Oh, that's funny. Alright, counting macros aside, let's talk community.

Jen: I am in this program called Snatched in Six Weeks at Mark Fisher Fitness. I've spoken about Mark Fisher Fitness before. It surprises no one. My group meets Monday, Wednesday, and Friday at 7:30am. We are called the "Gorgeous Pythons". We have taken our identity very seriously. We have decorated the clubhouse with all things snake.

Pete: Wait, there's a clubhouse?

Jen: Yeah, we call it the clubhouse.

Pete: Okay, sorry. That's the gym.

Jen: Well, technically, it's a gym, but...

Pete: But it's actually the clubhouse.

Jen: It's not a gym. It's an anti-gym.

Pete: Alright.

Jen: Anyway, there's a section that has like some couches and we've named that the "Snake Pit", and it's full of stuffed snakes. There are snake stickers everywhere. We have t-shirts. Like, we have a logo. It's a whole thing. Watch.

Pete: What? This is hilarious. Oh my god.

Jen: Yes. Okay, so there are a bunch of different groups working out at different times. And at the end of Snatch, they do this awards ceremony, and they award something called the "Spirit Stick". And the Spirit Stick is for the group that was the most spirited, which the Gorgeous Pythons are. So in the early days of this round of Snatched, I would say I was one of the ringleaders on this. I was like, "Nobody is coming for our Spirit Stick. Like, we will be the most spirited." And then, as I got to know these people, I realized that we genuinely support each other. We show up for each other. We have this WhatsApp thread. A guy in our group named John, every morning before the workout, sends us all a message, inspiring us to actually show up that day. It's incredible.

Pete: Whoa, every day.

Jen: People are in our private WhatsApp group sharing recipes, sharing challenges, talking about life, things that are hardand how it de-motivates them, and then, we all work to re-motivate them. It's like the most amazing group of people. And I had this big aha moment with my dear friend Jesse, who I met at the gym, when we were both like, "Who cares about the Spirit Stick?"

Pete: Right.

Jen: "It's about the group."

Pete: Mmm.

Jen: "Like, who cares? We are here for each other." And so, I said that in the WhatsApp group, and it felt really good. It kind of made me want to cry. I was like, "I love these people so much." And Pete, I have some like big takeaways I've learned from being in the clubhouse with these people three times a week, that I just thought might be worth unpacking, about building community.

Pete: Please. I mean, I would love to hear this. I think about this more than probably people realize. I've been asked many times over the years, especially about the altMBA community that I was a part of for many, many years, and played a key role in, I guess. And I know a bunch of people creating communities that have reached out to me and gone, "How did you think about structuring this, and running this, and doing this in the context of that community?" I have also been part of an incredibly strong gym community in the past. We weren't called the "Gorgeous Pythons", we were just called the "7am Crew". We also had a WhatsApp group. This is the gym where I met my wife. Like, so community is, I mean, it's everywhere, and so top of mind for me right now. Because actually, truthfully, one of the things I'm realizing I lack is one of those types of communities, that I've had at so many various points throughout my life. But right now, at this moment in time, I'm like, "Huh."

Jen: Mmm.

Pete: "I think I miss that." And so, let's talk about the ingredients of the Gorgeous Pythons and figure out if we can apply it to our own lives.

Jen: Yeah. And I just want to say as a side note, you know, I run my own studio. Our website is literally www.jws.community. It's all about the community,

Pete: Right.

Jen: But because I am the one sort of leading it, I sometimes fail to see the things that are working and why they're working.

Pete: Yeah. Because you're not part of it, so to speak. You're leading it. Yeah, that's an interesting distinction.

Jen: Right? So being part of the Gorgeous Pythons has very much helped me to see what I could be doing better in the studio and like what we're already crushing.

Pete: Mmm. That just reminds me of like, you know, when you get to sit in a workshop as a participant, you're like, "Holy crap. It's so fun being a participant in this workshop. Like, I'm usually the person running the workshop. That's cool."

Jen: Right?

Pete: Yeah. Alright, break it down for us.

Jen: Okay. So the first thing is: There needs to be a strong and sturdy container. And within that container, the people need to have some agency over how they want to participate.

Pete: Right.

Jen: So like, it is a very structured program, super structured. And yet, we all feel like we're doing it our own way.

Pete: Mmm.

Jen: And it is celebrated that we're doing it our own way. So there's nothing competitive within the community, because you're not actually competing with anyone. You are setting your own standards. And you're able to feel the freedom to do that, because the structure is so solid.

Pete: I love this so much. Oh god, this is so random, but the metaphor that comes to mind for me...I don't even know why, but let's try it out. Are you familiar with chair bags?

Jen: Excuse me?

Pete: That's what I thought you might say.

Jen: What did you call me?

Pete: Chair bags. Yep, that's right. I'm talking chair bags. So chair bags were, I guess, exactly what they sound like, which was a little bag that you hang on the back of a chair when you were a young kid in primary school (apparently in Australia, because you have no idea what I'm talking about). And it was, from my memory, essentially a requirement that everyone had a chair bag, and you'd put your books and things in your bag so that you could just like reach over behind you and grab the book out of your bag. And the chair bags, in this context I'm thinking of them as, were like the container. Everyone had to have them. The chairs were the same width. The bags were the same size, essentially. And you had permission to like decorate them and add stickers and write your name and do things that were creative within the context of that chair bag.

Jen: I think we have cubbies.

Pete: Cubbies? That's fun. Like lockers?

Jen: So the kids in the younger grades have cubbies. And then, once they get older and need privacy, they have lockers.

Pete: Right, then you get a locker. Right, right. The other thing I've seen, when we grew out of chair bags, there were tubs, which were literally just like a bunch of tubs on a shelf, all the exact same dimension, all the exact same color, and you got to decide like what you did within the confines of that tub. But we all had the same container, to your point.

Jen: Yep.

Pete: Anyway, sidebar...

Jen: It's a good one, though. Now I know what a chair bag is, and I don't feel so insulted.

Pete: Okay. So Step #1: A sturdy and strong container.

Jen: Okay. The second thing is: Ritual.

Pete: Yeah.

Jen: So part of the community element of this is there are built-in rituals at the gym, but whoever's coaching that day calls out our name, "The Gorgeous Pythons," and we have a response that we use every single time.

Pete: I love this group so much.

Jen: Well, we're supposed to come up with a response. They tell us to come up with the response. But then, we came up with it. And so, there's this ritual that brings us all together and unifies us: "Gorgeous Pythons," and we all go and we stick our hand up in the air, "And that's fitnessssssssss."

Pete: Oh my god. Emphasizing the "s" there, everybody, because snakes and pythons. Love it.

Jen: Correct. And it's fun. It gets us all aligned with each other. It gets us in a good mood. And it like helps us get ready for the next very challenging thing that we're going to do together.

Pete: So the ritual isn't actually the class, you're saying? The ritual, in this context, is like the call to arms.

Jen: Well, there's the ritual within the ritual. So yes, we meet Monday, Wednesday, Friday. The structure of the class is the same: twice through the A set, three times through the B set, and there's a finisher. Like, we do that every time.

Pete: Mmm-hmm.

Jen: But then, there are these little things along the way. And I realize I do this in my studio, too. We have a closing ritual before people sit down after they work, we do this, "Breathe with and see everyone." And in Studio Workshop, the second week of the month, we do our affirmations. Like, there are rituals that are built-in that unify the group.

Pete: Hmm.

Jen: And they are not emotional. Like, they happen because they're supposed to happen. And then, the emotional unity is the result of doing it.

Pete: Mmm. I just, I'm so obsessed with this. Like I was thinking when you said "ritual", "Oh yeah, because you've got the class time, that's the ritual or the structure," which is one part of it. But then, your other part of it is like, "What else are the things that happen that we know are going to happen, that have become part of our community identity?"

Jen: Right.

Pete: That's so good. So, let me see if I can pull another metaphor or comparison out of my proverbial. So in the AFL, which is the Australian Football League (which you would have absolutely no idea about), they get in a circle and sing a song after they win a game...they being the team. So the victorious team gets in a circle and sings a song, that is like a ritual that has lived and existed for as long as AFL has been a sport. Many other sports have very, very similar things. You know, in soccer, maybe they share shirts with the person they played next to, and on and on it goes. These are like rituals that become part of the game or the structure of the game.

Jen: Yes, exactly.

Pete: Hmm, alright. This is super helpful, by the way. What else have you got?

Jen: Okay. Here's another thing, and this is major: Include things that are not about what the group is about.

Pete: Mmm.

Jen: So, we are a "fitness" community. However, we all get there early, and we sit in the Snake Pit together and talk about life before class. And I can tell you when people's birthdays are. I can tell you who has children. I can tell you who's recently married. I can tell you that Jesse is about to make his debut at Carnegie Hall as an instrumentalist. I can tell you that Greg just founded his own company. I can tell you that John walks his dogs every morning before class. Like, I know about things that these people care about, that have nothing to do with fitness. And if you make the fitness experience only about fitness, or if you make your team at work experience only about the project, or if I make my studio only about acting, we're like losing the people part of it.

Pete: Yes, 155,000%. This is probably one of the biggest macro observations I've made, working with teams and corporates since 2020, in particular. Not that I haven't worked with them prior, because I have. But the change since 2020, and we started working more remotely and now we're kind of hybrid and some of us are going back in-person, is, so many times we have broken down work to only be about work, or a meeting is only about the thing that we're here to meet about, which I think is a disservice to the humanity of the fact that we're all here trying to enjoy the work we're doing and contribute in some sort of positive way that makes us feel like we're fulfilled. So, I just...absolutely. And it doesn't mean you have to sit around for forty-five minutes, if you're thinking about, "Ah, but I have so many meetings and I don't have time to spare." It doesn't mean you have to use the entire meeting to chew the fat. But like, add some humanity. Talk about something that's not relevant to the project, because it actually enhances the project, because people feel more connected to one another and to the work you're doing.

Jen: That is right.

Pete: Yeah.

Jen: Okay. Here's another one: Let people be who they are, and then, help them magnify it.

Pete: Mmm.

Jen: That is something I've learned in this group. Like at a certain point, Greg, who recently launched his own company, started clapping during dead bugs. You know when you're laying on your back doing the dead bug? And he started clapping to whatever the beat was, of whatever the music is. And let Greg lead that. And then, we chime in with our own hand claps. And before the finisher, in every class, Greg organizes the circle up and has us all put our hands in the middle and comes up with a chant. And like, you know, like a team.

Pete: Oh my god, I want to be part of this so badly.

Jen: It's so fun. Beau, who is to my left on his mat, always is the person with the funniest punchline of the day. And like, you just shouldn't try to be funnier than Beau. You should let Beau be the funny one, and then, like let him magnify it. Because that is like, his sense of humor is so precise and so amazing, that you just like let him have that spot. And then, like I could go around the entire room and shout out people for what they are bringing.

Pete: Yeah, I love that. I mean, it reminds me of the sort of Avengers metaphor or the superpower metaphor, that I think about as it relates to leadership. Where, if you have a really great team, I think what you want to be thinking about is, "Can we have a team of superheroes, where we each have a unique superpower and we're not trying to copy one anothers?" Like if you think about the Avengers, Iron Man is not trying to be Thor and Thor is not trying to be Iron Man. They're actually trying to be themselves and leverage one another. So it's like, we want to be who we are, and magnify that by supporting one another.

Jen: Yep. Here's something else I've learned from this group: Cheer someone on, even if you don't think they need it in that moment. One of the things I love in this room is like we'll be doing push-ups, so you can't even see anyone, and I'll hear someone go like, "You got this Mary Sue," or someone will be like, "Go, Owen," and you can't even see them, but they hear their name. Like, you don't know if they're struggling. You don't know if they're crushing it.

Pete: Mmm.

Jen: But they're being seen, even when they're not being seen,

Pete: Yeah.

Jen: I don't know, there's something about like not waiting for the right moment to cheer someone on, that is present in this group.

Pete: Mmm, yeah. I love that. Given we're in the structure of me just replying with things that this reminds me of, it reminds me of appreciation from the Thanks For The Feedback book, where they break down feedback into three different buckets: coaching, evaluation, and appreciation.

Jen: Mmm, yeah.

Pete: And I mean, I've run workshops on those three specific types of feedback. And it's wild how often people will come back and go, "Wow. I don't think we do enough appreciation in this place."

Jen: Hmm.

Pete: "We're so focused on getting better and coaching and evaluating one another, I've actually forgotten to go, 'Go, Owen.'"

Jen: Right.

Pete: "'You got this, Jen. Do your push-up.'" Like, yeah.

Jen: Right.

Pete: Yeah.

Jen: Also, Owen is the one who, when we're doing bear crawls, growls like a bear, and comes around and bites everyone...with consent, only with consent.

Pete: This is such a specific group of people. I love it. I love it so much. We

Jen: We just, we are living Rule #6.

Pete: It is amazing.

Jen: "Don't take yourself so seriously."

Pete: I just love it. Because then, you all go into like...not that you're all living serious lives, but yeah. Then, you like go into the world as adults, and go and do serious things, and run businesses, and play at Carnegie Hall, and like do these serious adult things.

Jen: Right.

Pete: So I feel like there's a levity and a play as a lesson that I'm taking from this, of like, where are you getting that levity and that play?

Jen: Pete, that is, I think, the big moral of the story.

Pete: Mmm.

Jen: Sometimes, we are looking for this in places that are just not set up to provide it. And if you don't have a solid community in your life, let's say at work, you can't expect work to suddenly transform into the thing that you wish it was. But the thing that you are looking for exists somewhere out there. It might be in a book group. It might be in a trivia night group. It might be playing mahjong. It might be at the pickleball court. Like, it doesn't necessarily have to be in the place that you have to go.

Pete: Mmm.

Jen: It could be in a place you want to go.

Pete: I mean, I feel called out. I feel inspired. I feel excited for our listeners to get ahold of this episode. Like I said, I've been asked by a bunch of people how to think about building communities, and I have not distilled it into anywhere near as helpful and compelling a list as you just did. So thank you, Gorgeous Pythons.

Jen: And that's fitnessssssss.

Pete: And that's The Long and The Short Of It.