The Long and The Short Of It

Episode 387 - Revising Goals

Transcript:

Jen: Hello, Peter.

Pete: Hey, Jen.

Jen: Well, it's that time of year for me, I wonder if it's that time of year for you, where I am looking back at the things that I made a commitment to in January and asking myself, "Does this need to change?"

Pete: "Am I doing what I said I would do?" I was wondering where this was going. I was like, "Is it the time of year where Jen's been running? No, it can't be. It's freezing cold. What time of year is it? It's the time of year to hold ourselves to account to the things we said that we were going to hold ourselves to account to." Alright. This is The Long and The Short Of It.

Pete: Shall we revisit our commitments? Is that what we're doing?

Jen: Well, I've been working with a bunch of my clients on, we're doing this thing that we're calling a sprint, which is an eight-week sprint. And at the beginning of the sprint, everyone sets their goals. And we've reached this halfway point right now, where we're checking in on the goals. And I was like, "Oh, if I'm helping them check in on their goals, I probably should check in on mine." So, the framework that we're using is: recommit, revise, or replace.

Pete: Replace. Okay.

Jen: And I am finding it very helpful because when I go down the logic rabbit hole and come to the conclusion that, yes, I really do want to work toward this, if my fervor for the goal has fallen off, recommit feels like something I can do. I can actually like get back on the horse and make some decisions about next steps. But sometimes, it's a, oh, I need to revise this because there's new context or new information or new opportunities or priorities have shifted. And then, I know what the next step is. I'm going to revise it. And sometimes, it's replace, where it's like, you know, that was just something I said in the moment, or like that was a placeholder, or it turns out I was playing small and I actually want to replace it with something bigger. So again, like just having the verb there helps sort of define what the next step's going to be.

Pete: Yeah. I feel like I want to add a fourth R.

Jen: Let's do it.

Pete: Remove. Is there a remove option? Or is that part of revise?

Jen: So remove should be an option, yes. In the context of the sprint that we're doing, we've committed to doing a certain number of things, so the replace means if something's getting removed, something else is taking its spot.

Pete: And I guess the context as to why I say "remove" is, I feel like there's a tendency for us (myself, I know others that have done this) to get to a point and go, "Wow, I put way too many things down that I said I was going to try and do. And now, I'm kind of half doing all of them or sort of a quarter attempting each of them and none of them are really going anywhere. So, let me remove some of them. Refocus." I like the whole...I mean, this is another R word. I feel like all of this is about refocusing ourselves for the year.

Jen: Yep. Exactly. And Pete, you are an Upholder.

Pete: Yeah.

Jen: So one of my clients is also an Upholder and she told me this great hack that she does, which you might be interested in. So when she is defining her goals and then identifying the action steps, she always includes an action step that has a date on it, at a certain point, that is revisit this goal and decide if I even want to keep pursuing it or change it or whatever. And basically, she said that what that does is protect against the idea that she's failed at something, because the success would be checking off that action item and going like, "Oh, I did the thing, which was, I revisited it. I decided I didn't want to do it. I deleted it. That's a success." As opposed to like, "Well, I didn't make it all the way to the goal." So, I thought that was quite a great hack.

Pete: I am obsessed with that, as an Upholder who likes to get the A and cross the things off the to-do list. Because otherwise, I'll probably persist at it because I can't accept that I'm not going to get the A or I'm going to fail it. So to add a moment of reflection, revisiting with the possibility of removing, that's the A. That's how you get the A. I love that.

Jen: Exactly.

Pete: Good hack, fellow Upholder.

Jen: I thought that was so smart. So, so, so smart.

Pete: Okay. And so, what were some of the things that came up either for your students or for you?

Jen: Well, I think the big thing is you set your goal for yourself within a certain context. And then, as you start working toward that goal, you realize that you didn't have all the context that you needed. As an example, one of my clients had set this very specific goal around getting material from a very specific Broadway show in front of some very specific people, because that show was casting. Well, it turns out that they were only wanting to see people who had previously been in callbacks for that show, which, this client was not part of that group. And so, instead of going like, "Well, now, I'm dead in the water. I can't do anything,” she had to recalibrate by going like, "Okay, there's new context. There's new information here. Do I persist at this goal stubbornly? Because back at the beginning of the year, when I didn't have this information, I said I would do it this way. Or do I take stock of the actual reality, the given circumstances, and make changes based on that?" So, that's one example. But I do think a lot of people are in this same boat, where it's like, "I knew what I knew when I knew it, but now I know something else and I need to leverage my knowledge."

Pete: Yes. And so (I'm not intentionally throwing out another R word, but all of this is reminding me), I feel like we could bucket this under this idea of reflection. And so, I think about a reflection script, which we've recorded an episode on many years ago. I'll include it in the Box O' Goodies. A reflection script, I first came into contact with this during the altMBA as a student, which was this online leadership course that I took many, many years ago. It's the genesis of how you and I met, for those that don't know, and was created by the wonderful Seth Godin. In any case, one of the most powerful things I observed in myself and the other people that took this workshop / course was the process of a reflection. So basically, you got a prompt. You did a little project. And then, you got some feedback. And to close the loop on what you learned about that project and the feedback, to revisit the context now that you had new context because of the feedback you got, we did a reflection script, which was essentially, "Hmm, let me revisit all the things I said, based on the feedback, based on the fact that it's now two days later and I have slightly different context." And in doing so, that was actually the moment where I learned something. That was actually the moment where I changed my mind about the direction I was going to head. Because I asserted something. I thought something. I put a goal into the world. And then, I got a bunch of inputs from it about it. And then, I went, "Huh, I need to revisit these inputs by reflecting on these inputs." So the idea, I feel like what we're talking about is it's time for a 2026 reflection script.

Jen: Yes. Okay, Pete. So is the reflection script as simple as recommit, revise, replace, remove? Or are there other questions we should be asking ourselves in this reflection?

Pete: That's a great question. I mean, I like your three R framework, or four Rs if we had remove. But I could also come up with some questions, on the fly, that might be helpful. So something like, does this habit / goal still serve me, still serve where I want to go? I mean, even the question of like, who is this goal for? And what is this goal for? I feel like that's interesting to ponder. I certainly had times where I have a goal, and I revisit it and go, "Who was that actually for? I don't actually think that was for me. I think that was for me thinking I needed to do something to please someone else." And so, to think about who was it for as opposed to assuming it's the right goal for you, because it might not be. So these kinds of questions that, I mean, any question that helps you work out, "Where was I at when I wrote this down? And am I still there? Like, where do I want to go? And is that still in alignment with how I'm going to get there?" You know?

Jen: Right.

Pete: And I think your four Rs do some version of that.

Jen: Now, I probably talked about this on some episode of this show...but now we're so many hundreds of episodes in, who knows where it is in the archive?

Pete: Who knows?

Jen: Actually, I just remembered where it is. It's in an episode called STARIMAP, and I will put it in the Box O' Goodies. When I set a goal, I like to follow it with, "So that...," and then, fill-in-the-blank. So, "I'm doing this thing, I'm working toward this thing, so that fill-in-the-blank." And I have found for myself...now, you're an Upholder. I'm a Questioner. And by the way, this is within the Gretchen Rubin Four Tendencies framework, listeners, if you're like, "What are you talking about?" So, the why behind everything is going to motivate me. So, the "so that" is very illuminating for me when I'm feeling unmotivated or frustrated with how I'm going. I can remind myself, "Well, I'm doing this so that this. Like, this is the actual like deeper reason behind it." And in a scenario where new context comes in and the goal has to change, the "so that" can remain the same. Like, the why behind it helps the pivot happen.

Pete: Yeah, I like that. I'm looking at, I pulled up my 2026 notes just to see if there's like a reflection I can do in real time on this. And I think a couple of mine stay. I'm revisiting them. Like, for example, one area of focus I had was to reconnect with and make proposals for leaders and organizations in Melbourne, so that when Tracey and I eventually move back to Melbourne in twelve to eighteen months time, which we will, I have created the conditions for some work that is a little more local than having to get on a plane all the time, because that's not necessarily something I want to be doing all day, every day, for the rest of my life. So the context has changed slightly, in that I think when I wrote that, I think we were thinking twelve months. The context has changed slightly, that it's probably more like eighteen months until we head back. And that could change again. But the "so that" is still the same. So that when I get back to Melbourne, when we get back to Melbourne, I have reinvigorated my Melbourne connections and community, and created the conditions for more work there, hopefully. That's one example I'm just thinking about now, that I want to, I guess, recommit to. Yeah, that still feels relevant.

Jen: Love that. That's wonderful. Is there one that feels like it has new information or new context that might need a revision?

Pete: Well, I don't know if it's a revision, but one that I want to give myself some grace for. So I think I'd mentioned in our episode on 2026, I really love this idea of other people matter, the famous positive psychologist who came up with that big bit of research. And the subtext to that is like, anything that builds relationships with other people or between other people is going to contribute to making you happy. And one of the things I committed to off of that was, "Okay, instigate one in-real-life connection per day." And the key word there being "instigate". So, "You have to initiate or instigate a conversation with one person every day." And I guess when I wrote this down, I failed to appreciate that I was about to have surgery that would not let me leave the house for two weeks. Plus prior to that, I had ten days of tonsillitis. So January was such a write-off that I could look at this and go, "I failed." But I'm actually looking at it and going, "I'm recommitting because I still like it. But I totally wasn't able to do it in January. And that's okay, because of the context that ended up, the thing that ended up happening prohibited me from doing that." But I don't see it as a failure. I see it as something, "No, I still want to recommit to that."

Jen: Love that.

Pete: What about you? Have you got any that you've revisited or removed? I'm kind of obsessed with...I mean, I feel like I want to remove some of mine, even though I haven't even thought about which one I need to remove.

Jen: The one that is very clear for me is, at the beginning of the year, I created this ninety-day plan for launching a community for people who were previously pursuing careers in the arts, who are still very much artists, building careers in other industries and who want to be in a space with other artists. And this was inspired actually by our mutual friend, Carly Valancy, founder of the Reach Out Party, which is back and people should check it out because it's excellent. Anyway, I had this ninety-day plan fully built out for launching this. And then, I found out that all this crazy nonsense is going on in the building where my studio is. And I'm like, "I can't possibly do this in the next ninety days if I might be evicted in the next ninety days. Like, I can't do that." So, what I've had to do...I'm so very committed to this, but I've had to totally revise it because the timeline is different. So I'm thinking of this now as (and I'm not even fully committed yet to the timing because I still need more information from my building) a summer or fall project instead of a Q1 project, which is what it originally was.

Pete: Nice. Yeah, I like that. Yeah. I feel like these four Rs provide a simple...I mean, even just the going down your checklist of goals or whatever you wrote down and going, "Is this a recommit? Is this a revise? Is this a replace? Or is this a remove?" That's like almost like a yes / no exercise. It could take you two minutes.

Jen: Yeah, exactly.

Pete: And then, hopefully off the back of that, you feel re-energized about the things that you've wrote down. I feel like every third word started with "re" in this episode. And you know what? I'm not sorry.

Jen: I'm into it. I also just thought of...Pete, this probably doesn't apply to you, but it definitely applies to me. I have a to-do list that has holdovers on it, like danglers that I didn't do last week but I rolled them over to this week.

Pete: I've got those. Come on. Everybody's got those, surely.

Jen: Well, you're so good at checking things off. But yes, I bet this would be a really good way to cull that list of the dangling to-do's. The case of the dangling to-do's.

Pete: Oh my god. I love that.

Jen: Where you go, "Okay, you know, clean the bathroom: recommit, revise, remove, replace? No, I have to recommit because the bathroom needs to be cleaned."

Pete: Yeah. The dangling to-do's. Oh gosh. I feel like we can all relate to those.

Jen: Right?

Pete: Well, I feel re-invigorated, re-energized, and re-inspired to look at my list of things I committed to at the start of the year over a cup of coffee and to ask myself, "Do I want to recommit? Do I want to revise? Do I want to replace? Or do I want to remove?" So, thank you for this great framework. The Four R's, by Jen Waldman.

Jen: And that is The Long and The Short Of It.