The Long and The Short Of It

Episode 399 - How Do I Start?

Transcript:

Jen: Hello, listeners. Before we get to this week's episode, Pete and I have a favor to ask of you, in honor of our upcoming Episode 400 - Ask Us Anything.

Pete: 400 episodes, yes. What we realized is every single hundred episodes, we've done an Ask Us Anything. And so, we're continuing that theme, and we'd love your help. Please, if you have a question for us, go to thelongandshortpodcast.com/400 (being the number 400) and ask us a question. Anything that you'd like for Jen and I to ponder, to noodle on, to think out loud about on Episode 400.

Jen: Thanks so much for your help with that. And now, on to this week's episode.

Jen: Hello, Peter.

Pete: Hey, Jen.

Jen: How should I start this episode? Hmm.

Pete: Oh, we usually save this for before we press "Recording".

Jen: Yeah. Except Pete, the punchline is: Starting things is what I want to talk to you about today.

Pete: Wait, is this a throwback to Episode 1?

Jen: A little bit.

Pete: Oh, I can't wait to learn more. This is The Long and The Short Of It.

Jen: Okay. So right when you and I jumped on this call today, you were responsible for setting up our first episode that we recorded today. And right before we hit "Record", you said, "How should I start?" And I wrote that down, and I was like, "That is an episode. How do I start?" Because from the macro to the micro, I feel like this is something we have to grapple with every single day of our lives. And it's certainly something I grapple with, with my clients. Like, getting started is very often the most challenging part of anything.

Pete: Woof. Yep, I agree. I mean, I could think of so many examples of where starting is the hardest thing. And how, once you do start, things seem to...not fall into place, but generate momentum or become easier because you've done the hardest part, which was actually start. So this is, I mean, the classic case of writer's block where people are staring at a blank page and have no idea how to start.

Jen: Yep.

Pete: And Seth Godin would say, "There's no such thing as writer's block. You're just scared of doing bad work." Or the podcast episode that I don't know how to start, or the difficult conversation that I don't know how to start, or the proposal I need to write and I don't know where to start, the presentation I need to give and I don't know what story to start with. There's so many examples, that I agree with you. Starting is hard.

Jen: Yep. And I'm not great at physics. So, hey, you physics buffs out there, you can correct me. But isn't the idea that an object at rest stays at rest? So if you are at rest with something, it's really hard to get started. It's not something you've created in your mind, that like, "Oh, starting is hard." No, it's actually hard. So having some tools to get out of the gate is really, really useful.

Pete: Yeah. So, we acknowledge: Starting stuff is hard. Everybody, if you relate with that, welcome to the human race. And so, then the question becomes, so how do we make it easier? What are the prompts, the skills, the things we can do to make the hard part a little easier, so that we can start more things? And then, hopefully as a result, finish more things?

Jen: Yeah. Well, that's what I think we're going to talk about today, Pete. Where should we start? How should we start?

Pete: I don't know where to start, Jen. I don't know where to start.

Jen: Well, I'm going to start with the first idea that is coming to my mind. Which sometimes is a very good place to start, with the first impulse that you have.

Pete: Oh my god, this is getting so meta.

Jen: Right? So, I work with a lot of actors on their audition material. And they will show me a piece. And I will offer up a note or an adjustment. And it'll be hard for them to figure out how to start implementing the note. And so, my trick is, I say, "Go somewhere else in the room. Like, don't start in the literal same spot. Because if you start in a different spot, you couldn't possibly be telling the same story. And if you're not telling the exact same story, then you have more freedom to make new choices." So if I started a piece and I was sitting down, and then the next time I start the piece I'm leaning against the wall, I've started taking the note, even if I haven't figured out how to really do it yet.

Pete: Oh my gosh, I love this. I'm generalizing that as physically change something, like your environment.

Jen: Yes.

Pete: So I wonder if this is why sometimes I find it really useful to be like on an airplane or at an airport, and all of a sudden, I do this thing that I've been putting off doing for a week from my office.

Jen: Right.

Pete: I'm like, "Why is it that this was so easy when I just had, you know, an espresso at the bloody airport?" And all of a sudden, I just did it. I'm like, "Why can't I just do this normally?"

Jen: Yep.

Pete: Physical environment is different, so the inertia feels lessened. Maybe? Again, physics professors, I'm not sure what I'm talking about.

Jen: Hey, physics professors, can't wait to hear from you.

Pete: Thanks for tuning in, by the way, physics professor.

Jen: So, yeah. Okay, so that amounts to change of environment. Another starting point that I sometimes use is start with the thing that's giving you heavy boots, like literally saying, "I'm not sure where to start." Because if you say, "I'm not sure where to start," you've started.

Pete: I love it. That, to me, reminds me of like, "How do you start a difficult conversation?" And I might often coach a leader to say something like, "This feels uncomfortable for us to have this conversation," or, "I'm a bit nervous about this conversation." Like acknowledge the elephant in the room, which is like, "I don't feel amazing about this, and you probably don't either." And so, it's a version of like breaking the ice, or...you know, it feels like an overused metaphor. But yeah, just starting by saying something.

Jen: Yeah. Okay, here's another one.

Pete: You're on fire. Keep it going. Now that we've started, she can't stop, everybody. She can't stop.

Jen: Now that we've started, we can't stop. See? Momentum. An object in motion, which is my mind right now, stays in motion. So, sometimes the thing that's so hard about getting started is that you're looking at the big picture. And the big picture is so big. Like, a visual I like to use is: I'm standing at the base of Mount Everest. I'm wearing flip-flops. And I'm thinking to myself, "I'm supposed to get to the top? I didn't even bring the right equipment, let alone know how to climb. What's the first thing I need to do? I need to go get different shoes."

Pete: Get some crampons.

Jen: "It's not that I need to climb. I need to get the equipment." Breaking things down into the smallest first step sometimes helps people get started.

Pete: Oh, most definitely.

Jen: Bird by bird, right?

Pete: My god, that's exactly what I was going to say!

Jen: Oh my god.

Pete: Bird by Bird...what a book by Anne Lamott.

Jen: So good.

Pete: Oh my gosh, I've got to put a link to this book in the Box O' Goodies. And a podcast where she talks about it. I think there's an extract from this chapter. I'll paraphrase it, but it is worth reading yourself. The story goes that Anne Lamott's brother had this homework assignment, that he put off to the last minute (which we've all done). And he got to the night before and became so overwhelmed by the fact that he had to document the entire species, a particular type of species of bird, for some geography assignment, I think. And he was so overwhelmed, and scared, and "I just don't know where to start. How am I possibly going to produce this? And it's due in twelve hours." And his dad said to him, "Oh, you've just got to take it bird by bird." And he was like, "Yeah. One bird at a time, one tiny little part of this project at a time." She also has gone on, in this same book, to describe writing as being like driving with the headlights on when it's really dark. And that you're not writing a book, because that's an overwhelming, scary thing to think about. What you're actually doing is writing the thing that you can see that's just in front of you, like when you're driving in a car and you can only see, I don't know, ten meters in front of you. I love that visual of, "Yeah, there's a destination that I'm getting to in my drive or in this writing that I'm doing. Hopefully, it's a book. But I'm not going to see that up front. I just need to focus on the thing that's in front of me."

Jen: I love that. Okay, I've got a couple more here.

Pete: Oh my god, you've got so many. This is great.

Jen: So sometimes in acting, you'll have a scene to play or a song to sing or a monologue to speak, or whatever, and it's hard to get out of the gate with clarity and intention. And very often, the acting teacher will say, "You have to play the moment before. That, this comes out of something else. You're never starting a scene at zero. The scene happens because of what came before." And we have, in the past, talked about this concept I use called Momentum Mindset: Every beginning is actually the end of something else, and every ending is the beginning of the next thing. So if you're having trouble starting, maybe reframing starting as just continuing might be helpful.

Pete: Beautiful. I find that so helpful. It's interesting because I'm pretty sure, in that episode, we talked about how things ending can be really difficult. And what we're talking about is things starting can be really difficult too. How interesting. We don't like closure and we don't like commencing. Oh, the human race.

Jen: Oh dear.

Pete: So, one thing I wrote down is...I cannot remember where I heard this, which is such an annoying place to start. I loved this advice / insight into helping people with procrastination or helping people focus on a task that feels difficult. Because in my mind, the reason I'm procrastinating something is because I don't want to start it. Because the part of starting is the hard part, and that feels too hard. So I'll just go and procrastinate and do something that feels easier, like put the washing on or something that just doesn't feel as hard. And so, the advice given was (it was in the context of writing), "You can do absolutely nothing or you can write, but you can't do anything else."

Jen: I love that so much.

Pete: So you can sit there and stare at the blank page for an hour, if you said, "I want to write for an hour." You can do absolutely nothing or you can write. Those are your two choices. You cannot do something else. And what happens is you sit there for, I don't know, long enough doing nothing, and you go, "I guess I'll just write." And it helps you start. And I think about that all the time. We could do nothing, sit here and stare at each other for an hour and a half, or we could start recording podcasts. It's like, "Oh, I guess we've got to record some podcasts. Let's come up with some ideas."

Jen: I love that so much. That was actually so helpful. I have some time set aside on Friday that I've been asking myself, "How am I going to protect this time from my own distractions?" And that's how. I am implementing this rule. I can do what I'm supposed to be doing or I can do nothing, but that's it.

Pete: Yeah. And nothing else. Nothing else. What else have you got down over there?

Jen: So, I was in a coaching today with a client of mine and a music director...who is such a genius. Anyway, we were working on material for an upcoming concert. And we were working on the first song in the program. So, this is how you get started. And how you get started really matters in a concert, because it sets the tone for the whole thing. It tells the audience what kind of a night it's going to be. You either hook them or not, in those first couple of minutes. And so, that sort of like pressure was in the air. And my client was like, "Oh, I'm a little scared about starting like this." And the music director said, "If we have a great plan, there's nothing to fear." And I was like, "Oh, so before we start the show, we've actually prepared ourselves to start." Kind of like the Birkenstocks at the base of Mount Everest concept, that if you've equipped yourself with what you need, then starting doesn't have to feel so scary. That doesn't mean it won't feel scary at all. But it doesn't have to feel so scary, if you have equipped yourself with the thing you need. Like if you want to write, equipping yourself with time and space and something to write with is going to make it less scary to get started, than knowing that this is your writing time and going, "Wait a minute, I don't know where I'm writing. I don't know where my pen is. I don't have a piece of paper. Not to mention, I have no ideas."

Pete: Right. I wrote this down as, "Lean on your equipment."

Jen: Yeah, metaphorically and literally.

Pete: Right, exactly. And it feels painfully true for me. Because I've gotten better at this, but there's so many examples in my past where I could think about going to speak on a stage or being asked to run a workshop or presenting something, and thinking to myself, "I haven't really prepared for this. How do I begin?" And so many people have said something along these lines to me over the years, you included, and my friend Michael, who I remember saying something similar, which was, "Oh, you've been recording podcasts, writing blog posts, coaching leaders for how long? Ten plus years. That's your equipment. That's your preparation."

Jen: Right.

Pete: "It's not that you haven't spent enough time preparing. You've literally been preparing for ten years. So, lean on your equipment. Lean on your knowledge. Lean on the things that you know, because you know them." And I've always found that really useful, to go, "Oh, yeah, I don't need to come up with a unique thought. I don't need to hike Mount Everest in my flip flops. What I need to do is lean on my equipment."

Jen: Yes. Okay, I have another one that just came to my mind.

Pete: This is such a sporadic episode, but I hope it's useful.

Jen: Well, I'm trying to come at things from so many angles, so that maybe one thing lands. Sometimes, the thing you're trying to start is not the thing you need to think about in order to start.

Pete: Say more.

Jen: So I'm going to use artistic examples, but I'm sure you can help me think of more. If you want to sing, first you have to start by taking a breath. You can't sing unless you start with a breath. If you want to leap and soar through the air, you actually have to first start on the floor in a pliè. So basically, the idea is...maybe it's related to what I was saying about, "Play the moment before." Like, what actually has to precede what you are defining as starting?

Pete: Yeah. And to your point earlier around chunking it down to something really small and approachable, like if you want to influence, if you're working in an organization and you want to influence, start by understanding your audience. If you want to coach somebody, start by asking a question.

Jen: Right.

Pete: You know? Like, there are skills behind the skills. There are smaller versions of the thing that you think you want to do, that are right in front of you. I feel compelled to share like an idea we've shared so many times, which comes from Brené Brown, around shitty first drafts. Like the other thing I do a lot if I'm worried about starting something, the fear I have about starting is I'm thinking about how it needs to finish. It needs to be polished. It needs to be great. It needs to be done. There needs to be a bow on it. But the process of getting there is long and arduous. It can be. And so, I'm like, "But how do I write it complete, up front?" And you can't. So the prompt that Brené gives (and I just think it is so relevant) and many other writers have shared some version of this, which is, "Write a shitty first draft. Write something terrible. Or do something ridiculous. That helps you start, and start to generate momentum."

Jen: Mmm-hmm.

Pete: I mean, we've got other tools like picking an arbitrary number of things that you could do. Like, what are seventeen ways you could start this project? And just write down those seventeen ways. And then, pick one of the seventeen, and just do it.

Jen: Right.

Pete: Or time box it. Give yourself six minutes and go, "What if I just had six minutes to try and do something about this? What would I do in six minutes?" Like just trying to make it fun, approachable, easy, less overwhelming. I feel like that's the common theme, in so many of these tools and techniques.

Jen: The other day I was working with someone and we had reached a point where we were having trouble making a decision, because we had two great options. Which, having two great options made us feel stuck and we didn't know how to get started. So I literally said, "Okay. Heads: The first option. Tails: The second option." And then, I said, "Siri, flip a coin."

Pete: Nice.

Jen: And she said, "Heads," and we were able to move forward. So, sometimes you have to delegate starting to your robot.

Pete: Wow. I love it. That's great. To a robot, yes. Yes, yes, yes, yes. Oh gosh. I love it. I mean, this is literally, in a meta way, every single episode of this podcast anyone has ever listened to.

Jen: Correct.

Pete: It has started with something like, "Goddamn, I don't know if this is an episode, Jen. But let's just start and see what happens." And then, we pick up momentum. We get steam. And all of a sudden, we're like, "Oh my god, we need to figure out how to wrap this up, because we got so excited and carried away."

Jen: Yeah.

Pete: I just, I love this idea of trying to trivialize (in a good way) and make accessible the process of starting. And I think it's simple, but it's not easy.

Jen: Now, I'll start the end. And that is The Long and The Short Of It.