The Long and The Short Of It

Episode 77 - Choosing Optimism

Transcript:

Jen: Well, hello there, Peter Shepherd.

Pete: Oof. Hello there, Jen Waldman.

Jen: We are unexpectedly recording this episode just a couple days before it is released because we were both in agreement that to release the scheduled episode made no sense given the circumstances we all, as a human race, find ourselves in at the moment.

Pete: Yeah, it felt odd to not talk about the macro-uncertainty, the macro-fear, the macro-things that we're witnessing as part of COVID-19.

Jen: We want to talk about, on the individual level, how might each of us manage how we are feeling, and navigate forward motion in a time of uncertainty.

Pete: This is The Long and The Short Of It.

Jen: Alright, Peter. Should we dig in?

Pete: Yeah, let's dig in. What do you got? Where do you want to start?

Jen: Okay, I want to start by simply calling out a couple things that have been on my mind, and then, um, see if we can connect any of the dots here. Okay, so number one is existential flexibility. That we are living in an existential crisis moment, and in Simon Sinek's new book, The Infinite Game, he talks about the need to prepare for existential flexibility. And I think this crisis is offering each of us an opportunity to ask, what does that even mean on an individual level? What does that mean on an organizational level? And what does that mean on a societal level? How do we prepare for existential flexibility?

Pete: And have you got any thoughts on what that looks like? Or do you think it's more noodling on it, to your point, at an individual level?

Jen: Well, I, uh...oh, I have got a lot of thoughts.

Pete: [laughter] Like, yeah, I mean, I think it might be worth sharing a couple. I just think that whole book, that whole notion of the infinite game, is fascinating right now. And James Carse, his book...infinite game versus finite games is, that's like the moment in time that we're living in right now.

Jen: Yeah, we're watching the book come to life before our very eyes.

Pete: Yeah. Both of them.

Jen: So, you know, it points me back to Simon's very first book, Start With Why. Because part of preparing for existential flexibility is knowing your why. Your "whats" might be changing right now. Like as an example, if you are an actor in a Broadway show, yesterday you were an actor in a Broadway show and today you're not.

Pete: Mmm.

Jen: But something about who you are, what you believe in, and what you are willing to fight for is constant and consistent regardless of whether you're doing it on a Broadway stage or not. So I'm, I'm interested...it just feels like a moment where everybody needs to read all of Simon Sinek's work because Start With Why, Leaders Eat Last, and The Infinite Game all feel like they are manifesting in real life right now in this moment, and we get to decide, at the individual level, how we are going to navigate these uncertain waters.

Pete: Yeah, not to mention his other book, Together is Better, which is perhaps the most relevant of all of them.

Jen: Oh my goodness.

Pete: But I think that notion that you just talked about, using the Broadway actor, is such a good example of something I think about a lot, which is can you define...like, I want to be defined by who I am, not what I do.

Jen: Mm-hmm.

Pete: And we talk about that quite a lot as it relates to the work we do with leaders, in terms of as a leader, can you define yourself by who you are, not what you do? Because if and when you lose that leadership position, that status, you can't afford for that to be, like, the defining characteristic, the defining trait, the defining thing that holds you in existence. You have to be able to stand on your own. So, yeah, I think you're right. It starts with having an understanding of purpose. Hmm.

Jen: And purpose at your individual level, which is your "why": the contribution you make to the world and the impact that that contribution has. And then also, the idea of a just cause, which is a collective idea. Many of us share the same just cause. So at the individual level, what can you contribute? And on the collective level, what are we all working toward? What do we, as a society, believe in? If we can really commit to what we believe in and the future we are trying to build together, we are more likely to get through this in a way that allows us to feel proud of how we behaved while moving through it.

Pete: Yeah. And I think the, to your point, having it shared is so important because it's, it's this sort of...I don't know if this is a juxtaposition, but it feels like one in my head right now. Which is we need to "isolate" ourselves at the moment, but not isolate ourselves in the way that we approach and navigate through this, what feels like a tumultuous time.

Jen: Mm-hmm.

Pete: Because what we know is that working together to co-create a new version of the future is the way forward. So it's like the juxtaposition of literally feeling, or I guess, physically isolating yourself, while also not going so insular and not being so self-absorbed that we only focus on our little world. We actually look at: how can we co-create together a new version of what it looks like to move through this? I don't know if that made sense.

Jen: It does. The other thing that came up for me today, as I was trying to pay attention to how some colleagues of mine in the industry were handling whether or not they were going to shut down their own studios and things like that (we shut ours down today), is the difference between being an optimist and living in a fantasy world. They are not the same thing.

Pete: Mmm.

Jen: And living in a fantasy world is disregarding reality because it's more convenient for you to do that. But being an optimist is believing that a better future is possible.

Pete: Yeah.

Jen: So I want to take the optimistic perspective here and say, in the short term, I'm going to sacrifice. I'm going to take a financial hit. I'm going to isolate myself from the humans that I love and want to be around because I'm an optimist, not because I'm living in a fantasy world.

Pete: I mean, this is what I know to be true based on books I've read, and things I've heard people talk about around, you know, mindfulness, and navigating trauma, and navigating conflict and uncertainty, is like the first step of all of this is acceptance.

Jen: Yes.

Pete: Accepting our given circumstances, accepting that we have a pandemic on our hands, accepting that we need to isolate ourselves, and close the studio. Like, in order to be optimistic one must first accept. In order to do anything, we must first accept the given circumstances.

Jen: This is absolutely right. And this, I think...this brings us to something you were sort of hinting at earlier, which is the concept of leadership.

Pete: Mmm. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

Jen: So I've been, I've been truly fascinated watching this all go down. On the one hand, amazed, and mesmerized, and inspired by those who choose to lead in this moment, whether they are in official positions of leadership or whether they are stepping up within their communities to lead. I am amazed. I am...I am in awe of some of the incredible acts of humanity that we're witnessing. And on the other end of the spectrum, I think that we're also witnessing some epic failures of leadership from people in positions of authority, in official positions, but also within our communities. We're seeing people who have the capacity to lead choose not to because of the personal gain.

Pete: Mmm.

Jen: Or, frankly, it's attempting to curb a personal loss from happening.

Pete: Mmm. Yeah. Wow. And I'm picking up on this. I'm fascinated by the levers that leaders are using at opposite ends of the spectrum, in a way. In some cases, there's leaders using fear and uncertainty as the lever, see a lot of that. I see a lot of that.

Jen: Mm-hmm.

Pete: Using...and I'm almost loath to call them leaders. But if we define leaders, which I do, as those that create the conditions for others to choose new actions, I think that even those that use fear as a lever are creating conditions for others to choose new actions. So I have to, I have to consider them a leader for now, just for the sake of this conversation.

Jen: Ooh. Ooh, that is scary.

Pete: I could see that reaction you had.

Jen: I appreciate the point, I really do. It's just...it hurts to hear it.

Pete: It does. I think this is the conversation we sort of had a little bit in the episode on leadership. But yeah, if that's the definition (which I, that's the definition I think about), then we have to recognize that just because we don't agree with the lever they've used doesn't mean they're not a leader. So, what I've seen is a lot of the pulling of the levers of fear and uncertainty. And on the other end of the spectrum (my preferred end of the spectrum, and I think your preferred end of the spectrum) is, what if we use the levers of generosity, and compassion, and empathy, and care?

Jen: Mmm. Yeah.

Pete: So yeah, and I sit much more at that end. And I think I was telling you just before we hopped on this call, as an example, I got asked on Monday to attend a call with, there's thirty of us from around the world that are coming together to talk about...thirty leaders, essentially, from around the world that are coming together to talk about: what does it look like for us, as a little collective, to start to create more messages around generosity, and empathy, and care, and co-creation, and hope, as opposed to fear, and uncertainty, and what feels like a finite mindset? Essentially, how might we show up as a collective on Monday and talk about: what does it look like to think about this on a macro-infinite perspective? So that feels hopeful.

Jen: Oh, that feels very hopeful. You know, I have a call on Monday too with the team here at the studio.

Pete: Mm-hmm.

Jen: Which seems like a segue into something else I really wanted to talk about, which is innovation and creativity in times of uncertainty.

Pete: Mmm.

Jen: That's what we're doing on Monday, is we have an all hands on deck meeting to create something totally brand new, that a couple weeks ago we would have said is impossible to build. And now we've all agreed: not only is it possible, it's required. And it's going to take all of our innovation, and creativity, and humanity, and empathy to build something that didn't previously exist. But everyone on my team is committed to doing this. And it's making me recognize that in a moment when you have no other choice, you can be so resilient, so creative, and so innovative. And what if we didn't wait for moments of crisis to find that within ourselves?

Pete: Yes, Jen Waldman, yes. I love this. Because what I hear is you had a constraint, which you don't have any control over. And you thought, "What can we do as a result of this constraint?". As opposed to, "What can't we do?". And we've got an episode in the can which we will release, I'm sure, at some point, on constraints. And in it, we talked about the difference between "can, if", and "no, because".

Jen: Mm-hmm.

Pete: And I think in so many parts of our life, our default posture can sometimes be, "No, because of this constraint.". And the inverse is almost like, "Okay, here's the constraint. So I can do this, if we have blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.". And it sounds like that's what you've done. You've had a constraint placed on you. And as a team on Monday, you're figuring out a path forward. Which isn't just a short-term fix, I imagine. It's going to be something that you continue to do. Is that right?

Jen: Yes. In fact, we were just talking about this today...that the ideas that we've landed on so far, that we're intending to build out on Monday, are so good, and of so much value to our community, that when we're on the other side of this crisis, we have no intention of eliminating it.

Pete: Yes.

Jen: That we're going to seek to continue to build in this direction. Because it's, it's useful for everyone, and has value.

Pete: That is one of the things that I'm most optimistic about. Is the, the conditions, the constraints that are being forced on businesses, both large and small, and individuals, are such that we are forced to find better ways, more interesting ways, more creative and nuanced ways of working, essentially. So all of a sudden, the old notion of workers need to go to a central office in order to work together...and by the way, we're probably going to sit in meetings for seven hours of the day, within the confines of that office. All of a sudden, when you have everyone working from home, those meetings look different. Maybe they're on Zoom.

Jen: Mm-hmm.

Pete: Maybe it's just an email. And all of a sudden, you're probably going to find some of the meetings that you thought were important don't actually matter that much. And so, my hope is all of these innovative and creative ways of thinking, of running Zoom workshops instead of face-to-face workshops so that you can bring in people from around the world, that is a change that should stick around long beyond what we're going through in this short-term, at the moment. So I have hope for a lot of that. I've, I got a phone call....I was telling you earlier. I got a phone call yesterday, out of the blue, which was along the lines of, "Listen, we had a conference that we were going to run in-person, it's now going to be run digitally. We have no idea how to do that. Can you help?".

Jen: Mm-hmm.

Pete: And I was like, "Absolutely. Let's talk about this.".

Jen: Yes, because, as we know from previous episodes, you spend a good portion of your day communing online with people from all over the world.

Pete: Exactly. I'm like, "Oh, this is what I've been doing for years. Yeah, let's talk about it.".

Jen: I love it. I love it. Okay, I want to address something, which is many of our listeners identify as freelancers.

Pete: Mmm.

Jen: A significant portion of our listenership is made up of people who if they don't work, they don't get paid, period. And something that I've been noticing with a lot of my clients is not only the panic of, "What am I going to do, since I have no work?". But also the, the self-flagellation of, "Why didn't I prepare for a moment like this?".

Pete: Yeah.

Jen: And one of the things that I've been pointing people to is our episode on regrets. That if, if you have energy to spend around creating a savings account, as an example, it's more useful to spend that energy in a future-focused way: "What is one thing I can do right now to move one tiny step closer to financial freedom?". Rather than beating yourself up for what your past self didn't know you were going to be encountering in this moment.

Pete: Yep. Yeah. You told me, Jen, in that episode, that that's what we call counterfactual thinking.

Jen: It is.

Pete: Which, from memory, was a very big aha moment for me. So, with that in mind, I wonder, as we sort of wrap this up...what are some practical tactical things that we might, our listeners might think about and do over the next day, two days, three weeks, four weeks, months, as we navigate all of this uncertainty?

Jen: Okay, I have a couple thoughts. They could probably each be their very own episode, but I'll cram them all into, you know, a couple seconds of thinking. One is to acknowledge that every single one of us has a skill set that we have been using in a certain way, but likely is transferable to a different kind of scenario, or circumstance, or audience.

Pete: Mm-hmm.

Jen: So if, for example, you are an actor...you know, I work with a lot of actors. They have a highly honed skill set of cultivating empathy, storytelling, communicating clearly, all of these skills could be used in other ways in order to continue doing their work. So we've all got to give ourselves permission to think outside the box, get a bit creative, and ask: who else might be served by what I have to offer? Because your smallest viable audience might have changed overnight.

Pete: Yes. Who else can I serve? And can I add in: how might I serve them?

Jen: Exactly. And then the other thing is acknowledging that (you've said this before), you can't hack change. Change happens in small, consistent steps. So instead of "what is the grand leap I'm looking to take", what about asking yourself a question like "what is the one small step I can take today"? And then tomorrow, you ask yourself that same question. And every day you take one step forward instead of expecting that a magical leap is going to occur. Build the change you want to see day by day, step by step.

Pete: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. I think they're great. And then, I would just close with...our mutual friend and client, Jenna Pastuszek, sent me this post which I'll share with you. I don't know the original source, sorry, but it's just like a meme. And it's, I think, a really neat way of summarizing, perhaps, what we might do. Which is: "Conversations will not be canceled. Relationships will not be canceled. Love will not be canceled. Songs will not be canceled. Reading will not be canceled. Self care will not be canceled. Hope will not be canceled. May we lean into the good stuff."

Jen: And that is The Long and The Short Of It.