The Long and The Short Of It

Episode 93 - Possibility

Transcript:

Pete: Hey, Jen.

Jen: Hello, Peter.

Pete: So, I was facilitating a little call yesterday on the topic of possibility.

Jen: Me too.

Pete: Really?

Jen: Yeah.

Pete: Oh my gosh. What? [laughter] Well, say no more. I think we should unpack the topic of possibility.

Jen: This is The Long and The Short Of It.

Pete: Are you kidding me?

Jen: No, I'm dead serious.

Pete: [laughter] Ah, I love this. I love this. Okay, so...

Jen: I did this three-hour workshop yesterday called The Path of Possibility.

Pete: Of course, you did. Of course, you did. I knew that. So interesting, that I...maybe I subconsciously knew that. So, I run a little group mastermind/coaching program for a bunch of brilliant artists that you know, who are also changemakers. And each month we have a theme. And we do a Zoom call about said theme, and unpack it, and pull it apart, and work out how we're going to use that theme to move our work forward. Anyway, this month's theme is possibility. And so yesterday, we had a conversation about, "What does possibility mean?". And what I was really curious about (in the conversation that sort of sparked the idea for this episode) was, how do we practically bring more possibility into our life? How do we tactically lean in to possibility? And so, I have some ideas. I'm curious for your ideas. But before I even get into that, I'm curious about your three-hour little workshop that I'd somehow forgotten about. [laughter] What was it about?

Jen: I mean, it's literally called The Path of Possibility. And similarly, it was for a group of performing artists. [laughter]

Pete: This is ridiculous. Was yours about practical ways to bring it to life, too? Was it specific to the arts, I'm assuming?

Jen: It was not specific to the arts.

Pete: Hmm.

Jen: However, it was specifically a group of artists I was delivering it to, so I'm sure the arts...the arts was in the air. But I had broken down the session into three parts.

Pete: Mm-hmm.

Jen: The first being: "What is possibility?", to your point.

Pete: Mm-hmm.

Jen: The second part being: "Reality Check." Because I think you can only step in to possibility if you're willing to see things the way they actually are, and be with the given circumstances.

Pete: Mm-hmm.

Jen: And then the third part was called: "Possibility Check."

Pete: Ooh. What was the, what was that? What's the possibility check?

Jen: So once you have established your reality, your given circumstances, then you can start to see possibility.

Pete: Mmm.

Jen: So the idea is to ground yourself in reality, so that you can start exploring all of the many possibilities that exist.

Pete: Oof. Brilliant. Brilliant, brilliant. So I think the, the topic of conversation that I focused on in particular (although the first part of the call was the same, "what is possibility") was probably more around that latter. Which was...like we, we've talked about possibility in this podcast so many times. There is a brilliant book called The Art of Possibility, which is one of my all-time favorites that you and I have referenced so many times.

Jen: Mm-hmm.

Pete: And it's a word, to me, that I just love the...I just love the feeling that that word evokes in me. And I was just kind of thinking, "How do we make this more practical and tactical? And what are some of the things that we could do every day, to practice bringing more possibility to one's life?". So, do you have any ideas that spring to mind firstly, on how you, Jen Waldman, practice possibility? Or think about it?

Jen: Yes. Well, for any artists who are listening, they might enjoy this. I think that book, The Art of Possibility by Rosamund Stone Zander and Benjamin Zander, is a seminal work. Like, it gives way to so many other things. But the other thing that I combine possibility work with is actually script analysis.

Pete: Oh.

Jen: I use all of the tools that I would be teaching someone to analyze a story that already exists, and then acknowledge what those building blocks are, and point out that our story hasn't been written yet. So we can take all these things that we understand about stories that are already written, to understand how we, as characters in our own lives, move forward through our given circumstances, and engage with this idea of possibility, because we could write a million different plot lines from this point forward.

Pete: Hmm. Oof, I like that a lot. One thing I'm curious about, in hearing you talk about script analysis, is what role empathy plays. So, one of the brilliant humans on this call pointed out that a practical way to practice possibility is through empathy. And what I'm just connecting now is, it's kind of building that bridge, to your point, of, "What's the actual reality that you have?". And then maybe, "What's the actual reality that someone else has?". And by seeking to understand what it might be like to see the world from a different perspective, you're opening your mind up, your thoughts up to other possibilities. And so I wonder, is that...is that the connection point, kind of, with script analysis as well? Or am I way off?

Jen: No, no, no, you're not off at all. So, what I think is interesting is...in life and in script analysis, we have a series of given circumstances. So for example, the given circumstance right now is that you and I are on a Zoom call.

Pete: Mm-hmm.

Jen: How you feel about this call, and how you're interpreting this call is going to be different about how I feel about this call, and how I interpret this call. But we know that the one concrete thing is: we are on a Zoom call.

Pete: Mm-hmm.

Jen: And so what I, what I like to think about with possibility work is to establish the facts of the moment, and then everything else is your interpretation.

Pete: Mmm. Yeah.

Jen: And knowing that, you can also accept that other people have their own interpretation too.

Pete: Yes. Yes, yes, yes. I mean, this extends so far beyond possibility, right? We talked about accepting given circumstances in like five episodes, recently. There was Principles, there was Your Business and Our New Normal, there was Choosing Optimism. So many of these conversations recently, I'm recognizing, come back to, "Cool, cool, cool. Let's get clear on the facts. Let's get clear on our given circumstances, so that we can decide to step in to possibility, or choose optimism, or figure out how we might pivot our business, or work on some principles.". All of it starts with accepting our given circumstances. Hmm.

Jen: There's this great bit in the book, The Art of Possibility...which I'm totally paraphrasing. I'm not, not quoting directly. But the gist is: There's a glass, and it is either half full or half empty.

Pete: Mm-hmm.

Jen: So, the person who says the glass is half full might be termed an optimist, or an idealist. And the person who says the glass is half empty might be deemed a pessimist. But the question is: who is the realist?

Pete: Oof.

Jen: And what the Zander's argue is that, it is the person who sees the glass as half full who is the realist. Because they are the only person in that coupling who is dealing what is actually there, not dealing in the abstract of what is missing.

Pete: Ooh, that is good. That's good. Wow. Okay. So in thinking about that, one of the other ways that we talked about of how we might practice possibility...because I think the other thing that's sort of worth saying out loud, that is, I think, evident through this conversation so far, is possibility is a choice. Possibility is a skill. And one of the ways that we can do that (outside of empathy, outside of the things we've talked about so far), is through something like, "Yes, and...". You know, like the concept of "yes, and-ing" a conversation, or a thing...which is very popular in improv, I believe. I'm stealing, "Yes, and..." from improv, let's be honest.

Jen: Yeah.

Pete: And what that helps me realize is, instead of, "No, because...", or instead of, "We can't do this because of these constraints, or whatever...", stepping into a world where we start by acknowledging the given circumstances. So I acknowledge what Jen said, "Yes, Jen. And have you thought about this perspective...", is creating more possibility just through conversation. So I think a, just a tactical way that we can create more possibility, or practice possibility, or choose possibility, in the same way that we can choose empathy, in the same way that we can choose to look at script analysis in a certain way...we can choose to build on conversations by starting with, "Yes, and.". Does that make sense?

Jen: Yes. And...[laughter]

Pete: I see what you did there. I see what you did there.

Jen: It reminded me of something that came up in our workshop yesterday. Which is...and I'm not even sure why it's pointing back to this particular memory, but it is, so I'm sharing it. That there's a, there's a difference between "yes" and "yes, and...". There's a difference between "this is happening to me" and "this is happening".

Pete: Mmm. Can you say more about that?

Jen: Yes. So part of this idea of, "what are the facts" and then, "how will you interpret the facts".

Pete: Mm-hmm.

Jen: "This is happening" is the fact.

Pete: Mm-hmm.

Jen: "This is happening to me" is your interpretation.

Pete: Mmm. Oof. Oof.

Jen: And so, you can choose to interpret in a different way.

Pete: Wow.

Jen: "This is happening, and...", and then I get to fill in the rest of the sentence with something that's full of possibility.

Pete: Hmm. Hearing you talk about that, it makes me realize that practicing possibility can be really hard. Because...

Jen: Yeah

Pete: Because of emotions, because of attachment to our stories, because of the fact that sometimes we forget that things happen, as opposed to things happening to us as individuals. And I think we've all been caught up in that moment where we think the world is conspiring against us, which makes practicing possibility really hard. So it's almost like, you know, practicing possibility is a muscle. A tough, gritty muscle that we need to constantly hone and practice, because it's, it's hard to flex. It can be really hard to flex, especially in circumstances like a global pandemic, for example.

Jen: Yes. Yes, yes, yes, Peter. Because when we choose to practice whatever the opposite of possibility is...stuckness? I don't know.

Pete: Stuckness. [laughter]

Jen: I don't know what we would call it. We would take something that is simply a given circumstance or present condition, and we would instead interpret it as an obstacle.

Pete: Hmm.

Jen: So we would choose to see something as making it impossible for us to pursue the things we want, to do the things we want, to be with the people we want to be with, you know, whatever that might be.

Pete: Mmm.

Jen: And so the practice of possibility is to eliminate the idea that these things, whatever they are, are my obstacles, and instead to call them my present conditions or my given circumstances.

Pete: Mmm. Okay, you made me think of two things. One is...to go back to the opposite of possibility. So I think about possibility as being very much, to your point, based on your reality now and looking forward. And I wonder if the opposite of possibility is lamenting. Lamenting what was, lamenting what I had, lamenting what I lost, lamenting what I can't do, and almost looking back, in that sense. And then the second thing is...one of the, one of the insights that came through the conversation that I facilitated was, "Can you have too much possibility? Like, what happens when you get overwhelmed by so much possibility?". And I said, "Well, the first thing I think about there is, that's why you need constraints.".

Jen: Yep.

Pete: Is, constraints create a container for that possibility. So instead of the possibility feeling like it's infinite and hard to contain, what if you created a container for that possibility?

Jen: I mean, this goes back to that episode that we did recently about principles. So if you saw all of the possibilities, and you eliminated anything that would not allow your principles to be driving the bus, then that would be a constraint or a container. Or you could use your values, or you could use your "how's" or you could use your just cause, or your Why, or whatever framework you like to essentially eliminate possibilities that don't align with the best version of yourself.

Pete: Hmm. So as I try and piece all this together, it's really curious because what I'm recognizing is like, possibility is a choice. Possibility is a posture. Possibility is something that's kind of baked into every single episode of this podcast. And it just relates to like every theme we've...I mean, we've referenced about five other podcasts that we've recorded, in this conversation. And I would say it even relates to all ways that we can practice that are even things like: asking open ended questions, as opposed to asking a question that's binary, yes or no. And that concept of binary, I think is really interesting when you think about possibility. Because I think that possibility suggests things aren't binary. And if we start to look at things as "yes and no" or, you know, "right and wrong" or "fail and succeed", then we can get trapped or attached to one of those outcomes. Like we get attached to succeed and we detest failure, for example. And a posture of possibility is one that like removes the binary, in a way. And is like, "What if it's all an experiment? What if we don't quite know where this is going to end up?". And we stay open to what might be possible if we show up in a certain way.

Jen: So, I guess this is the episode where we call back to other episodes. What you were just talking about reminds me of the Decide episode. That possibility and decision-making really do go hand-in-hand.

Pete: Mmm.

Jen: And we must release the outcomes, and instead step into the path of possibility. That that path can lead any number of places, so long as you have a vision in mind, or a north-star, or something you care about, something that's meaningful to you.

Pete: Mm-hmm.

Jen: If you're headed towards something that's meaningful to you, all your decisions are fine.

Pete: Yeah.

Jen: You might not get the immediate outcomes you're looking for. But if you're still headed in the direction of something you care about, that's really what matters. And to your point, this idea that things are either good or bad, right or wrong, can keep us so limited and stuck. And sorry, just to go back one more time to something you said...you mentioned, lamenting. And that sparked something in me, which is: there is a past focus, opposite of possibility. And there is a present focus, opposite of possibility. If lamenting is about the past, maintaining the status quo is about the present.

Pete: Oof, yes.

Jen: And so if we don't want to lament, and we don't want to maintain the status quo, what must we do? We must face the future as full of possibility.

Pete: That's so rich, Jen. And if I was to just bring this back to like one other practical way that we can practice possibility, I would say it's...again, something that we've done in so many different episodes of this podcast. But it's, it's to take ourselves out of the binary. It's to explore possibility. It's to see what other alternatives there might be, all in pursuit of our vision, or our goal, but unattaching ourselves to the outcome...and that is to pick an arbitrary number, and brainstorm possibilities. So we talked about this, I think in the Decide episode, where it's like, "What are ten different decisions that you could make in pursuit of a certain goal?". And you brainstorm ten ideas. Or, "What are fifty-three different ideas you have on what you want to do next week?". And you just give yourself permission to come up with fifty-three ideas. And fifty-two of them will probably suck. But the fifty-third one (and I know you're smiling, perhaps because you're going to give an example of when you did this last week [laughter])...because the fifty-third one might be the one that you wouldn't have thought of, if you hadn't have stepped into possibility.

Jen: No, I'm laughing, Pete, because guess what one of our exercises was yesterday? [laughter]

Pete: Oh, what? You did this, didn't you?

Jen: I said, "You have three minutes to write down ten things you could do to step into the path of possibility right now.". And then I, and then at the end of three minutes, I asked people to...I said, you know, "A minimum of ten.". I asked people to share how many they'd come up with. And some people were like, Rats! I didn't get to ten." And I said, "Don't worry about it. It was an arbitrary number. I made it up. There's no science behind that, just needed to give you a constraint. [laughter]

Pete: It's our favorite exercise. When in doubt, pick an arbitrary number and do some brainstorming.

Jen: It's so true. Because brainstorming is literally an exercise in possibility.

Pete: And that is The Long and The Short Of It.